Living Together Before Marriage

Questions to Consider in Living Together

It is increasingly popular for couples to live together before marriage.  The following are some questions to consider before making this very important decision:

1.    Does this glorify God?

1Cor. 6:20 for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

To glorify God means to live in such a way that God is known and honored and pleased.  Looking at the purpose of marriage (to be an earthly picture of Christ and the church), does cohabiting glorify Him?

2.    Is this being more like Jesus or conforming to the world’s way of doing things?

Rom. 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Being a follower of Jesus is not meant to be easy.  Our standards of behavior are to be distinct from those of the world.

3.    Will we have premarital sex?

If so, then this is clearly against God’s standard of purity.  God says that sex should only be for a married couple.

Matt. 19:5-6 Jesus said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?  So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Heb. 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

1Cor. 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.

1Th. 4:3-5 For this is the will of God, your sanctification:  that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;

If you cannot refrain from having sex, then God’s Word says you should go ahead and get married: 

1Cor. 7:8-9 To the unmarried and the widows I say that cit is good for them to remain single das I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

4.    Does living together put us in a tempting situation?

Rom. 13:14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.

5.    In living together, could we cause another brother/sister to stumble?

1Cor. 8:9  Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak.

Rom. 14:12-13 So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way.

Rom. 14:21 It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall.

6.    Does living together build commitment and trust?

Every healthy marriage is built on commitment and trust.  Does living together build trust, or does it make it easy to get out of it once times get tough?

7.    Does living together present the appearance of evil?

1Th. 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil. (KJV)

Not that we are ultimately responsible for what others think, but living “above reproach” means that no one would have any reason to suspect us of sin.  This is part of our testimony to others.

8.     In living together, do we loose authority to speak into our future childrens’ lives?

Imagine years from now that your 16 year-old daughter wants to move in with a young man.  What will you tell her?  What if she says, “but you moved in with ____ when you were young.”

1Th. 1:7 so that you became an example to all the believers in Macedonia and in Achaia.

2Th. 3:9 It was not because we do not have that right, but to give you in ourselves an example to imitate. 

After considering these questions, what do YOU believe is the right thing to do?

Don't Lose Heart

Don’t Lose Heart

It is easy to get discouraged in our walk with God and our ministry for God.  We are daily in a battle with the world, our flesh, and the Devil.  The state of the church is not good.  Terrible things are happening all around us.  Tragedy often strikes.  Our emotions are quite unpredictable.  And sometimes it can feel like God is asleep.  All of these factors can cause us to get discouraged. 

God knew this when He warned us to not lose heart.  To lose heart means that we get discouraged to the point where we are tempted to throw in the towel.  We tend to isolate ourselves and drift into depression.  We begin to believe that the good we are doing is not making any difference.  And we start questioning whether God is really in control.

Let’s examine a few scriptures about losing heart and see what practical lessons we can gain from them.  This is so important because every Christ-follower will at some point in his/her life struggle with losing heart

Eph. 3:13 So I ask you not to lose heart over what I am suffering for you, which is your glory.

Paul did not want others to lose heart over his suffering, because through his suffering others were going to benefit.  When we go through hard times, though it seems like God has abandoned us, He actually is working new things in us that will benefit others.  This is the price we pay in ministry to others.  Those serving God must go through hardship in order to better minister to others who are suffering.  One develops credibility to minister to hurting people when having gone through tough times yourself.  God comforts us that we might be able to comfort others (2 Cor. 1:3-8).

2 Cor. 4:16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self his being renewed day by day.

Outer pain and hardships is what God uses to develop inner character.  No one likes this.  The process is not fun at all.  However, inner character is more valuable for eternity than temporal difficulties.  The key in maturity is to actively have your “inner self … renewed day by day.”  Listen closely:  doing that which renews our inner self is the key to not losing heart!  Here are some suggestions for having your inner self renewed:

a.    Meditate on the Word of God every day. 

God’s Word will encourage us.  God’s Word will speak to us.  God’s Word will give us hope.  Sometimes we have to force ourselves to read God’s Word, but when we do, He does speak to our heart and gives us hope.  The Word of God is living and active and able to show us where we are living from our soul or from God’s Spirit (Hebr. 4:12).  Sometimes our hardships are to wean us from living out of our flesh to that of God’s Spirit!

b.    Be in community with Godly, mature believers. 

When we are discouraged, our flesh often wants to isolate from other believers.  We tend to only see the negative in the body of Christ.  But our spirit needs the input and fellowship of godly, mature Believers.  Again, sometimes we have to force ourselves to get this fellowship, but when we do, God uses it to give us hope and encouragement.  Mature Believers can speak into our lives the truth we need to hear.  We particularly need to spend time with those who have ministered for many years, and in so doing, have endured great hardships.

c.    Read the biographies and stories of those who have gone before us. 

Read about suffering missionaries who had a great impact for God.  Read about those who have persevered under trial.  Read the wisdom of pastors and servants of God who have endured hardship but stayed true to the Lord.  Hearing from some of that “great cloud of witnesses” (Hebr. 11) can be very inspiring.

d.    Resist the Devil.

Don’t underestimate the spiritual warfare involved in discouragement.  Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy.  He wants to steal your joy, kill your motivation, and destroy your walk and witness for God.  Your enemy, the Devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour, but resist him standing firm in the faith (1 Pe. 5:8).  Those who are truly seeking God and expanding God’s kingdom, will come under severe attack.  Don’t be ignorant of his devices.  Put on the full armor of God (Eph. 6).  Pray against him by pleading the blood of Jesus over your life. And don’t be too proud to ask others to pray for you and over you.  Ask God to strengthen you for the battle you are facing. 

e.    Choose to focus on the positives. 

When we are discouraged, it is often because of circumstances that are negative (e.g., state of the church, decline in support, unexplained tragedy, decline in morals in our world, lack of fruit in our ministry, etc.).  Though we can’t ignore these negatives, we have to take time to equally focus on anything positive we can think of (e.g., look back at how God has used you; rejoice in churches/ministries that are making a difference; dwell on how God has always had a people; etc.).  This is why Phil. 4:8 says, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”  And the promise for doing this?  “And the God of peace will be with you” (Phil. 4:9).  We certainly need peace when we are losing heart.

f.     Keep an eternal perspective.

It was probably an eternal perspective that helped to place you on the field of ministry.  Knowing what lasts and what doesn’t is likely a major motivation in your service for God.  Be careful not to lose this perspective.  When the things down here aren’t going well, it is easy to lose sight of what will last.  Take time to once again renew that eternal perspective, and pledge to God your willingness to endure difficulty for the sake of eternity.  If you remain true and faithful to God, you will be able to look back from heaven one day and give praise to God that you did not throw in the towel!  “For this light and momentary struggle is producing an eternal weight of glory that far outweighs them all” (2 Cor. 4:17).

Luke 18:1 And he told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart.

It is easy to lose heart in prayer.  Prayer is such a mystery.  Why do some prayers get answered quickly, while others take years?  When you pray for something you know is God’s will (e.g., salvation of a person), how do you not lose heart when you see nothing happening?  The parable Jesus tells in Luke 18 is about persistence in prayer.  He speaks of how we must be persistent and exhibit faith.  The unjust judge responds to the repeated request because the widow wears him out with her asking.  Wow.  Are we to wear God out with our persistence?  Maybe.  I don’t know, but that is what the parable seems to teach, among other things.  Clearly persistence in prayer is one way to keep from losing heart. 

One aspect of persistent prayer that is important is listening.  In other words, don’t do all the talking in prayer.  Listen to God.  Believe that He will speak to you.  When discouraged, listen to God’s still, small voice of encouragement.  You might be surprised at what He lays on your heart.  As a loving Father, He wants to put courage and confidence (i.e., encouragement) into His people.

Discouragement is a normal part of the Christian life.  This is why God’s Word tells us things we can do to avoid losing heart.  Don’t lose heart.  God is in control.  He loves you and wants to build you up.  He is using you.   He wants to use you more.  He wants your walk to be full of joy and purpose.  He is not mad at you for losing heart.  But He is sad, and wants to encourage you in Him.  He wants your number one joy to come from just knowing Him.  Look to Jesus.  Focus your eyes on Him.  Focus on the blessings of your salvation.  Leave to God those things you don’t understand.  Rejoice in the Lord always. 

Leadership Principles

While in Uganda I was asked by the local pastor to speak at a leadership conference.  The following are the main points I gave to these local church leaders and church planters:

1.    The most important thing you bring to your church is a spiritually-alive leader; do whatever it takes to remain spiritually healthy.

What those we lead need more than anything else is not some dynamic and charismatic personality.  It is not bold and aggressive leadership.  It is not radical quotes on facebook and twitter.  Rather, what those we lead need from us more than anything else is a strong walk with God.  They need to see us in love with Jesus.  They need to see us spending time with God.  They need to see us growing in the Lord.  Therefore, do whatever you need to do in order to stay close with God.  If you are getting burned out because you have been too busy to seek the Lord, then cancel appointments and get to a private place for a day or more in order to get alone with God and get your heart revived in Him.

2.    Walk in humility; order to get God’s grace.

God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble (1 Peter 5:6).  We sure don’t want God opposing us in ministry.  We have enough things and people opposing us, already.  Oh, how we need God’s grace.  Humility is the pathway to God’s grace.  To be humble means we realize we are nothing without God, and can do nothing without God.  At the same time, to be humble means we know we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us, but the emphasis is on “through Christ who strengthens us.”

3.    Keep a wet blanket on your fatal flaw, lest it burn your house down and possibly burn other houses down, as well.

Each of us has a fatal flaw.  Our fatal flaw is that area of our life which we are most prone and vulnerable to sin in.  It is that “besetting sin”/”sin that so easily entangles” spoken of in Hebrews 12:1.  This area may never be taken away.  It might be there to keep us more dependent on God.  In any case, it is that smoldering fire in the corner of our living room.  If we don’t keep a wet blanket on this smoldering fire, it can burn ours and other houses down.  To keep a wet blanket on a fatal flaw involves not putting ourselves in a tempting situation, having others hold us accountable, being in God’s Word, keeping short accounts with God, and quickly repenting if we even get close to falling.  What is your fatal flaw?  What are you doing to make sure it doesn’t burn your house down?

4.    Don’t sacrifice your family on the altar of ministry.

Too many pastors get so busy, they neglect their family.  One of the qualifications for an elder in God’s church is being able to manage his own family (1 Timothy 3).  This is sobering and challenging.  For me, I need to listen to my wife when she warns me of being too busy about the things of God that I forget the most important disciples under my care:  my family!

5.    Depend totally on the power of the Holy Spirit.

Jesus said, “Apart from Me you can do nothing” (John 15:5).  Do we really believe this?  I sure do.  I know that without God’s power, no one I minister to will ever be changed.  I am so grateful for the power and presence of the Holy Spirit.  He is available to us today!  We must minister in the power of the Spirit. We must ask Him to fill us over and over again.  “Be ye continually filled with the Spirit” (Ephesians 5:18).

6.    Build into the lives of future leaders.

Paul told Timothy, “The things you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, entrust to reliable me, who will be able to teach others also” (2 Timothy 2:2).  Like Jesus, we must be strategic about how we spend our time.  Jesus’ most fruitful time was not with the masses, but rather with the twelve men He discipled.  Who are we investing in?  Who are we discipling?  We are we equipping to take over when we are gone?

7.    Always be going deeper with God, as your church can never grow deeper than its pastors and leaders.

Effective leaders are those who are always going deeper with God.  We need to be in the Word, reading good books, shepherding our own heart, pursuing more of God, etc.  Our church will never go deeper than we go.  We set the pace.  Our people need to see us growing in progressive sanctification.  What am I doing to “work out my salvation with fear and trembling” (Philippians 2:12)?

8.    Preach the Word.

This sounds so obvious and yet so few are doing it today.  Isaiah 55 says the Word will not return void.  The power is in the Word.  God blesses His Word.  The only way to speak confidently and boldly is to speak God’s Word.  We never go wrong if we stick to God’s Word.  People today are perishing for lack of knowledge, the knowledge of God’s Word, that is.  We must use every available opportunity we have to bring God’s Word to God’s people so that God’s Spirit can produce Godly disciples of Jesus.

9.    Be alert to spiritual attack.

Our enemy, the Devil, is prowling around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour, but resist him, standing firm in your faith” (1 Peter 5:8-9).   Leaders have a target on their chest.  Satan goes after leaders, because he knows that if they fall, the fallout will be great.  Too many leaders have fallen to sexual and financial sin. Be alert.  Be aware.  Be faithful to God.  I would rather God take my life than my sin cause others to stumble.

10. Listen to God and follow His lead.

Jesus said, “My sheep will hear My voice” (John 10).  God wants to lead and direct His people.  God wants to speak to us, if we will simply get still enough to listen.  Take time in prayer to just listen to God and then boldly do what He says.  People today are hungry for leaders who will listen to God, and follow His lead.  The best leaders are followers:  followers of the Spirit of God.

11. Seek to birth “Isaacs” by the Spirit instead of creating “Ishmael’s” in the flesh.

When God gave Abraham the promise of a son, Abraham and Sarah got impatient and got a son through Hagar.  This was a son of the flesh (Ishmael) and not the son of the Spirit.  God wanted them to patiently wait on the son of the Spirit to be supernaturally birthed through Sarah.  Isaac finally came after faith and patience.  I believe we often birth things in ministry that are more like Ishmael than Isaac.  Let’s be willing to wait on the Isaacs of the Spirit.  Let’s seek to do things through God’s Spirit and not by mere human effort.

12. Allow your weaknesses to push you closer to God.

God gave Paul a “thorn in the flesh” in order to keep him dependent on God (see 2 Corinthians 12).  This was not pleasant, but it was necessary. His feeling weak was the very thing God used to help Him tap into God’s power.  The same principle applies to us today.  God will use our feeling weak to make us more dependent on His power.  I have learned to embrace my weaknesses in order to experience God’s power. 

13. Develop and share your God-inspired vision.

Without a vision the people go unrestrained.  People will go off in their own direction without leaders providing a God-inspired and God-led vision.  Vision helps everyone go in the same direction.  We may each have a different role in accomplishing the vision, but we need a vision to tell us what direction to head.  It is the job of the leader to get this vision from God.

14. Boldly ask others to come around you to support your vision.

Once you have a clear vision, it is imperative to recruit other godly people to support this vision:  with involvement, with time, and even with money.  Don’t be shy about asking others to support the vision, assuming you have a Godly vision!

15. Combine truth and grace in every situation.

Moses came with the Law, but Jesus came with Grace and Truth.  Jesus modeled ministry with Grace and truth in a powerful way.  Sometimes truth was heavier than grace, like with the Pharisees.  Other times, grace was heavier than truth, as when people were sincerely repentant.  As we minister as leaders, we should ask God to give us the wisdom to combine truth with grace in ministry.  The best example in the bible is when Jesus ministered to the woman caught in adultery in John 8.  He told her, “Neither do I condemn you” (i.e., GRACE!) … “go and sin no more” (i.e., TRUTH!).

16. Make disciples and don’t just win converts.

Jesus made it clear we are to make disciples of all nations and not just win converts.  We make disciples by preaching God’s Word verse by verse.  We make disciples by investing in a few good men.  We make disciples by putting structures in place that help people go deeper with God and one another.  I believe the best structure to accomplish this is small groups that meet in homes and is well led by a godly, growing disciple.

17. Get your identity from God and not from your ministry.

As leaders, it is easy to start defining ourselves by our title or ministry results.  This is dangerous and lethal.  It can lead to pride.  Instead, God wants our identity and OKness with ourselves to come from who we are in Him.  This never changes and can never be taken away.  God has given us a new nature, and our greatest joy in life should come from simply being a child of God, and not from our ministry achievements.

18. Be encouraged that you are making an eternal difference.

Don’t be weary in well doing, for in due season we shall reap if we faint not (Galatians 6:9).  If you are walking with God and serving Him, then you are making an eternal difference, even if you don’t always see the visible fruit of your labor.  Continue to give yourself to what will last forever.  Be not distracted by the temporal things in front of you each day.

19. Rest in God being the Lord of the harvest.

Paul planted, Apollos watered, but God causes the growth.  Leaders should sleep well at night, realizing that only God can ultimately change a life.  He does use us, but we are merely a tool in His hand.  The Spirit convicts of sin to bring about conversion.  God works in us both to will and to do for His good pleasure.   As we ministry day in and day out, let us rejoice that God is always at work to bring about His own glory! 

Ministering for God and in God’s power is the greatest privilege in the world.  Continue to faithfully minister for God’s glory!  Ask God to make you Christ-like and to empower your leadership for His glory.

Uganda Missions' Trip

I just returned from a missions’ trip to Uganda. This was my 9th missions’ trip, and definitely one of the most fruitful in many ways.

Here are some highlights of our trip:
1. We saw people receive Christ and baptized, and I believe these to be genuine conversions. I found the Gulu region of Uganda ripe for harvest.
2. I prayed for a demonized woman one night who was delivered from evil spirits. The power of Jesus is still at work!
3. Pastor George Jabulani, the local Ugandan pastor whom we worked through, has planted 8 churches in 6 years, most of which have come about from the requests of people in surrounding villages, which are quite poor and needy. Most of these churches are also including a school, in order to teach children the Word of God and English from a young age. If you are looking for a worthy indigenous ministry to support, I can highly recommend Pastor George and inform you of how you can help support him. He is in need of about $250 more per month. I can totally vouch for his integrity and trustworthiness.
4. We contributed spiritually through church services, teaching on discipleship, praying for people, and showing the Jesus film; and physically through giving shoes, clothing and hygiene items to the school children, as well as helping to construct a brick church building.
5. I was personally humbled to preach 4 times, teach for hours on discipleship to new Christians (lessons I had written that have now been translated into their language), teach a 2-hour leadership session, and provide copies of my book for pastors to each of the church planters.
6. Having Josiah go on this trip was my personal highlight. Here are his thoughts from our trip: “As this was my first missions’ trip, I experienced many things I was not used to, such as: poverty, disease, and very poor living conditions. I experienced, even through these conditions, the joy of the Believers. When we shared Jesus to the people in the city and also in the villages, people opened up and wanted to hear all about His life. Even though these people lived with nothing in the world, all they wanted and all they needed was Jesus.”
7. A spiritual highlight was the day we walked 3 miles into the “bush” to visit a remote village called Pagiki, located 30 miles from the Sudan border. Pastor George has helped a small group of Believers establish a church there, which present meets under a large tree. As we arrived, we heard the church in joyful worship. Others came as we held a brief worship service. After each member of our team shared a word of Scripture or testimony, Pastor George turned to me and said, “Now you will bring the Word of God.” This has given new meaning to being “ready in season and out of season.” God led me to preach on the magnificence of Christ: His personhood, life, teachings, miracles, death and resurrection. When in doubt, just preach Jesus, right!? I gave an invitation and about 10 locals came forward to kneel on a mat and give their hearts and lives to Christ. What immediately followed was something I will NEVER forget: they began a praise march/dance to a small stream about 200 yards from where we had the service, in order to baptize these new Believers and others who had yet to be baptized since receiving Christ. As we baptized about 20 people, the others sang and danced in worship the entire time. You can view this baptismal experience by going to the blog link listed below.

Every time I have the privilege of participating in a missions’ trip, I am reminded of:
1. The power of the Gospel to change lives everywhere! Jesus is the answer!
2. How joyful heaven will be as people from every tribe, nation, tongue and people will one day worship before the throne of God.
3. James 2:5 where it talks about how God chooses the “poor of this world to be rich in faith.” This is what really touched Josiah in a profound way.
4. How materially blessed we are in the U.S. and yet how spiritually weak we are. I asked the Uganda Christians to pray for our nation. They were shocked when I told them about some things in our country.
5. The importance of investing our financial and physical blessings in the spreading of the Gospel worldwide.

For a complete pictorial summary of our trip (and an incredible video of the baptismal service), go to: http://www.ugandagulu.blogspot.com/

What a privilege we have to help make disciples of all nations!

The Battle Between Flesh and Spirit

The Bible states that Christ-followers are in a serious battle between the flesh and the Spirit. The Holy Spirit pulls in one direction, while our natural flesh pulls in another. Which will we choose? Which will win out? What does it take for the Spirit to win?

Consider the following references to this battle between flesh and spirit:
Rom. 8:5-6,9 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace….You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him.

Matt. 26:41 Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.

John 6:63 It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life.

Gal. 3:3 Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?

Gal. 5:16-17 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.

Gal. 6:8 For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.

Countless times throughout the day we come to a fork in the road of life: follow the Spirit or give in to the flesh. It can be as simple as the flesh telling us to lie, or it can more complicated as our flesh wanting to make a good impression so others will like us. In both cases our flesh tempts us to live for what seems natural versus following the Holy Spirit in what honors God. Flesh can be obviously bad, but it can also appear deceitfully good, as in the case of wanting to look “good” before others.

When we receive Christ we receive the forgiveness of sins, the impartation of the Holy Spirit, and a new nature. This means that we can have victory; we can choose Spirit over flesh; and we can have power to win the battle. Really? Yes. How? By really knowing who we are in Christ and all that Christ has given us in His Holy Spirit. By being in the Word so as to feed this Spirit who jealousy lives within our spirit. By saying “no” to the flesh and “yes” to the Spirit. By admitting our weakness and crying out for His supernatural power.
This battle between flesh and spirit is designed by God to make us stronger in Him. It causes us to see how much we need His power for victorious living.

Determine to not give in to your flesh. Determine to be filled with the Holy Spirit each and every day. Know that you are not in this battle alone. Get others around you who can help you win the battle.

The more we grow in Christ, the more we will desire to follow the Spirit over the flesh. However, the battle will never totally go away, and the flesh will never improve with time. What does get better with time is our knowledge of the Word, our experience of knowing God, and the abundance of tasting God’s blessings for obedience.

As challenging as it can be sometimes, it is definitely worth choosing the Spirit over the flesh!

Father Heart of God

Because of some challenging parenting situations in the last few months, I am gaining a fresh perspective on the father heart of God. Here is a little of what I am feeling and experiencing.

As a father, God longs for us to be intimately connected with Him. He created us to know and love Him; therefore, He wants this close relationship with us more than anything else. Sure, He wants our obedience, as I do with my children. But more important than obedience, is a loving relationship. I want a close relationship with my children much more than mere obedience. I, like God, want obedience to flow out of this healthy relationship. Otherwise, obedience is simply legalistic performance.

Furthermore, as a father, God desperately wants us to listen to Him and heed His advice. He will not force this, but He cries out for our attention. Hear the emotion of God in this passage: “Hear, O my people, while I admonish you! O Israel, if you would but listen to me!” (Ps. 81:8). As a father of four, I can relate. My heart aches when my children want little to do with me. When they are off doing their own thing and forget about me, it pains me. I understand that I cannot force them to listen and ask for my advice, but like God, for their own good I just wish they would come to me more often. And when they do come for advice, I love to give it … because I love them.

Hebrews 12 tells us that God disciplines those whom He loves, and He chastens every son in whom He receives. When we step out of God’s will, God’s love motivates Him to discipline us. If God did not discipline us, then He would not be a loving father. I know what this is like. When my children disobey, I must discipline them. I must help them experience the consequences of their sin. Oh, how it breaks my heart to discipline my children. The old saying, “This hurts me more than you” is so true.

The story of the Prodigal Son opens a huge window to the father heart of God. We turn our back on God, go our own way, live what we think is a fun, sinful life. Yet, all it yields is pig slop. The entire time we are off living a sinful life, God is patiently and loving waiting for us to return. How His heart must ache every day, awaiting our repentance.

As a father, I know some of what this feels like. It is so hard to wait for a wayward child to repent. As we wait, we pray. And we wait even more, and pray even more. We wish we could force a wayward child to see … but we can’t. They must see for themselves. They must willfully repent. And we lovingly wait still longer for this to occur.

But when the prodigal returned, God received him with open arms. God declared a party to celebrate the repentance of His prodigal son! He demonstrates that His love for His children is indeed unconditional. He didn’t even allow the wayward child to get out his full confession before He assured the son of total forgiveness. Oh, the depths of God’s mercies. They are new every morning!

If we are going to parent like God, then we must completely forgive our prodigals when they return. We must shower them with love and mercy. We must not judge or condemn. We must assure them that we will stand beside them and help them to get their feet back on the ground. As the famous line goes, “There is no place like home.”

Isn’t it wonderful to serve a faithful and loving FATHER? And isn’t it helpful to learn from the Master parent, God our heavenly Father?

When You Are About to Lose Hope

Are you losing hope? Are you discouraged?

Perhaps your heart aches for a wayward child.
Your marriage may seem all but over.
You are alone and feel as if your prayers are bouncing off the ceiling.

Are you mad at God or feel that He has let you down?
Is your health headed south with no chance of an upward turn?

Perhaps you have seen counselors, doctors, and tried various medications, but nothing is improving.

What do you do? Is there any hope?

Trust me: I know what it feels like to lose hope. I write this blog from personal experience. I am actually writing this blog more for me than anyone else right now.

Here are some things I suggest for those who are about to lose hope. Don’t try to do them all. Just pick one or two that you can apply right now, and then add others later. Here we go:

1. Somewhere in your situation, sin is probably involved. It might be your sin. Or it might be the sin of another that is affecting you. In either case, allow the sin to magnify the beauty of God’s grace. Think about it: it is an amazing truth that where sin abounds, grace abounds even more (Rom. 5:20). In other words, the more sin there is, the more grace that can come … IF the sinner confesses and repents of his/her sin (1 Jn. 1:9). This is how good the Gospel is! Anytime we experience sin, even if that sin causes us great pain, we need to allow that sin to magnify our view of the cross of Jesus Christ. To the depth that we realize the seriousness of sin is the depth that we will appreciate God’s love and grace!

2. Rest in the truth that only God can change a heart. If your situation involves someone who is frustrating you, only God can change his/her heart. Other things might help bring this about (e.g., counseling, speaking the truth in love, prayer, etc.), but the bottom line is only the power of the Holy Spirit can ultimately change a person’s heart, including mine! I am dealing with a wayward son right not, and I keep coming back to this truth. I am going to do everything I can to influence my son, but at the end of the day, I can rest in God being the only One who can change him from the inside out. “It is God who is at work in you, both to will and to do for His good pleasure” (Phil. 2:13). For those struggling in marriage, this truth is very important. You cannot change your spouse!

3. Lean on the body of Christ for support. Take advantage of the strength available through the body of Christ. “Bear one another’s burdens and thus fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:10). God wants us to lean upon our brothers and sisters in Christ when we begin to lose hope. For this to occur, we have to do something that few are willing to do: being humble and transparent to share our struggle. As long as we keep our pain inside, we forfeit the body of Christ being able to support us. When we share, then various members of the body can reach out to bear our burden. Share your pain, and receive the support of others.

4. Turn to God in prayer. In Psalms 73, Asaph is in turmoil. He envies the wicked; he feels that his obedience has been for naught; and his struggles are not making sense to him. The turning point comes in v. 17: “It was oppressive to me until I entered the sanctuary of God.” It is only as he gets alone with God that he gains a proper perspective. The same is true for us. We must get alone with God when we are struggling. We must get in the Word when we lose hope. Only then will we gain a godly perspective of our situation. Furthermore, when we come to God in prayer we must be sure to:

5. Be brutally honest with God. When we struggle, feel confused, or get angry it is important to “pour out your heart to God” (Ps. 62:8). God knows it all, so if we are not honest, we are only hiding those emotions from ourselves. Get them out. Blow some steam. Express your honest feelings to the Lord. But, at the end of the day, we must be willing to submit to God and not develop a demanding spirit. A demanding spirit is when we demand that God do what we want when we want it. On the other hand, faith is trusting God to do His will in His time. I find that when I am honest with God in prayer, often it leads to confession, because in my honesty I often see my sin.

6. Persist in prayer, because it often takes time to overcome the forces of darkness. Spiritual warfare is very real when we are losing hope. Satan is the master of discouragement, condemnation, and darkness. God is the giver of encouragement, hope, and light. Demonic spirits must be defeated in prayer—persistent and fervent prayer. We have to pull down strongholds and take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Cor. 10:3-5). In Daniel 10, God heard Daniel’s prayers on the first day he prayed, but it took 21 days to overcome the Prince of Persia, a demonic spirit over the region of Persia. We mustn’t be surprised when our battle with unseen powers takes 21 days (or more) to overcome.

7. Search out a “wounded warrior”. A wounded warrior is someone who has been through something similar to our difficulty, but has come out the other end better instead of bitter. There is only one letter different between better and bitter. Better is because of a focus on Emanuel, whereas bitter is focused on “I”. 2 Cor. 1:3-8 is one of my favorite passages. In it we learn that God comforts us in our struggles so that we can comfort others who need it. I love the church, the body of Christ, because she is filled with warriors whose faith has endured great hardship, and thus can now help others. Another word I often use is “wounded healers.” The best healers are those who have been wounded themselves, but experienced the healing power of God. They are the best ones to turn to when we are wounded but not yet healed.

8. Ask God for encouragement. This may seem odd, but specifically ask God to give you some encouragement. He may do it through a song, a scripture, an encouraging word from someone, or just emotional relief. God as a father has great compassion for His children. I know this because I feel this for my children, and I am an imperfect father. God is a perfect father and wants to gives us hope when we are down. Recently I was struggling and asked God to encourage me. That day I received an email from a missionary, telling me something that greatly encouraged me.

9. Ask God to reveal to you something you need to see. Sometimes our discouragement is due to carnal thinking, sinful choices, negligence in the Word, etc. If this is the case, we need the Holy Spirit to reveal this to us so we can repent. “He who hides his sin shall not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes it shall find mercy” (Prov. 28:13).

10. Cling tightly to the God of all hope. This may be very difficult to believe right now, but Romans 15:13 is still true: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” So, what is it about God that gives us reason for hope? Let’s consider just a few of the many reasons:

a. As a loving and caring Father, God has compassion on His hurting children. I know how I feel when my children are hurting. My heart goes out to them. God’s heart goes out to us when we are hurting. He wants to come to our aid, and He will. He is a “very present help in time of need” (Ps. 46:1).

b. God is faithful to bring us into the next chapter of our life. We can all look back and see His faithfulness in our past. His faithfulness in the past assures us that He will be faithful again in our present and future.

c. He promises to never leave us nor forsake us (Hebr. 13:5). Never let this truth become a cliché. Think about it! The God of the universe, the Creator of the world, promises to be with you always, everywhere, no matter what. You have God with you at all times!

d. His mercies are new every morning (Lam. 3:23). This means with each new day, we get new mercies … just for that day! In other words, whatever we need for a given day, we can experience His fresh mercies. Did you notice the passage says “mercies” and not just “mercy?” God’s goodness is plural—more than one! We need plural mercies, and God gives plural mercies.

e. God is all-powerful. This means He is able to do miracles, to change circumstances, to bring things across our path that we need, to change the heart of others, etc., etc. No obstacle is greater than God. No person is more powerful than God. No challenge is bigger than the Lord.

f. Jesus understands what it is like to suffer. One of the most amazing things about the incarnation (i.e., God becoming a man in Jesus) is that our God can totally relate to every struggle we face. “For we do not have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in every way, as we are, yet without sin. Therefore, let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebr. 4:15-16).

g. God is worthy of praise. Take time right now to worship and praise Him. When we put on the garment of praise, it often dispels the spirit of despair (see Isa. 61:3).

Don’t give up. Help us just around the corner. Ask God to show you what part of this blog you are to apply to your life right now. Let me know how God works in your life. Email me at davidholt08@gmail.com.

"But I Can't Forgive Myself"

I often hear people say, “I have received God’s forgiveness, but I just can’t forgive myself.” There is a lot of pain behind a statement like that. This usually indicates the person has done something so bad that he/she continues to feel deep shame for it. In addition, some feel the need to punish themselves for their past sin by continuing to feel bad about it.

But is it biblical to forgive self? I don’t want to in any way be insensitive to the pain one who going through that makes such a statement, but there is no biblical support for forgiving self.

The real issue is, “Have we truly accepted God’s forgiveness?” If we have accepted God’s forgiveness, then there is no need to forgive self, because if God declares something forgiven and cleansed, then that is all that matters.

“Do not call anything impure that God has made clean.” Acts 10:15

If you say, “I have received God’s forgiveness, but I can’t forgive myself”, then you are putting yourself above God and this is a subtle form of pride. If you say, “I can’t forgive myself,” you are saying your assessment of your sin and forgiveness is more important than God’s.

Furthermore, if you are trying to punish yourself for your past as some form of penance, you need to understand that Jesus bore the punishment of God for your sin, and His punishment is enough. He was punished for your sin, so that you would not have to be punished.

It is an offense to the cross to not forgive yourself for a sin Jesus died to pay for!

“But he was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.” Isa. 53:5

Take this to heart: nowhere are we told to forgive self. The issue is accepting God’s forgiveness. It is what He says about our sin that matters, not what I say about my sin. If God declares it forgiven, then case closed!!!

The solution for our sin is the blood of Jesus. Jesus shed His blood so that we could be completely forgiven. Therefore, bring your sin to the cross and leave it there. To pick it back up is an insult to the sacrifice of Jesus!

Meditate on these truths, and allow the Holy Spirit to convict you of righteousness (e.g. that you are forgiven and stand in the righteous in Christ):

“God made Him who knew no sin, to become sin, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” 2 Cor. 5:21

“If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 Jn. 1:9

“Mercy triumphs over judgment.” Jas. 2:13

“As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” Ps. 103:12

“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” Isa. 43:25

“Come now, let us reason together,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.” Isa. 1:18

“For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” Hebr. 8:12

“Because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.” Hebr. 10:14

“Then he adds: “Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.” Hebr. 10:17

“Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.” Hebr. 10:22

“My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.” 1 Jn. 2:1-2

Anger and Men

Anger is a common struggle for men. This is because God has hard-wired men to be aggressive, fight for causes, and lead. When something gets in the way of a man, he is susceptible to anger. This can be good or bad.

With Jesus, anger was good, but with us, it is often not good.

God’s Word says, “be angry but sin not” (Ephesians 4:26). How do we do this? Ephesians 4:26 is quoting Psalm 4:4. However, Paul is only quoting part of Psalm 4:4. The rest of Psalm 4:4 gives the secret to being angry but not sinning: “Be angry and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent” (Psalm 4:4). I believe this teaches that the best thing you can do when you are angry is remove yourself from the situation (so you don’t do something stupid!), get alone (on your beds), and allow the Lord to search your heart (ponder in your own hearts).

In allowing the Spirit to search your heart, ask this crucial question, “Lord, show me the goal that is being blocked.” Anger is due to a blocked goal. Often our goal is selfish and needs to be yielded to the Lord. 99% of anger is because we are not getting our way. We must be willing to surrender this to God. God uses anger to surface our selfishness and pride, so that we will allow Him to change that area of our life.

Now, anger can be righteous. In this case the goal being blocked is a righteous goal, and God may be using our anger to move is to godly action. When Jesus was angry in the Temple (Mark 11:15), it was because His goal of seeing the Temple used for worship was being blocked. He expressed his anger by overturning tables. Had He expressed His anger by hitting people, then He would have sinned. But He did not.

If we are angry because a righteous goal is being blocked, then we need to be very careful that we seek the Lord about how to respond to that anger. Those who expressed their anger toward sin and injustice in a godly way have done much good for the kingdom of God over the years.

So, to summarize: anger is due to a blocked goal. If the goal is ungodly, then it needs to change. If the goal is godly, then we must not sin in our strategy to meet the goal.

The bottom line is that we need the power of the Holy Spirit to help us control our anger. “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control” (Gal. 5:22-23). Ask the Lord’s Spirit to so empower you, that you see changes in your life that are unexplainable apart from God!

Believing is one thing ... Doing is another

I got saved my senior year in high school and was immediately discipled by a more mature Christian. What a privilege! Oh, how he helped me grow in the Lord. Then I went to college and was discipled by various men for all four years. What a privilege! Oh, how they helped me grow in the Lord.

Part of my discipleship included reading the book “Master Plan of Evangelism” by Robert Coleman. What a privilege! Oh, how that book made me believe in discipleship.

When I became the senior pastor of a church in 1990, I immediately selected four men to disciple. We met regularly, and I sought to pour my life into these hungry and teachable men. What a privilege! Oh, how I helped them grow in the Lord. And oh, how they helped me grow in the Lord.

After about two years, I was benefiting as much as they were from our discipleship meetings. So, we kept meeting for 17 years as an “Iron Man” group (“as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” – Proverbs 27:17) instead of as an intentional “discipleship group.” There is definitely value in both kinds of groups. However, I got away from intentionally discipling men.

Two years ago God used Ken Adams to reveal to me that I certainly believed in discipleship but was not doing it. I made a serious commitment to get back to doing discipleship. Here is the commitment I made: Lord willing, every year for the rest of my life I will disciple a different group of men. Their commitment to be in my group will be the same: Lord willing, every year for the rest of their life they will disciple a different group of men. And so forth and so on.

I have done this now for two years, and the fruit has been amazing. These men are growing, and some are now discipling others. I plan to have a reunion every five years of all the men affected by this commitment to truly DO discipleship, and not just say I believe in discipleship!

“And the things you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, entrust to faithful men, who will be able to teach others also.” 2 Timothy 2:2

Important Lessons from 25 Years of Pastoring

Recently I was asked to speak to a church staff of about 30 on the most important lessons I have learned in 25 years of pastoring. Here are some of my notes from that talk:

1. The best thing you can give your church is a spiritually-alive pastor; therefore, do whatever it takes to stay spiritually healthy.
It is our job to keep our walk with God strong and vibrant. The best example we have is our love relationship with Jesus. We have the privilege of getting paid to seek the Lord. We must take advantage of this opportunity, and do everything we can to grow in the Lord. If you find yourself spiritually dry, and need some time away to seek the Lord, do it! There is nothing more important you can do for yourself and your church than keeping your walk with God strong. This also insures that your ministry be an overflow of your relationship with God.

2. Be aware of your fatal flaw, and make sure it doesn’t get the best of you.
We all have at least one area of vulnerability or “besetting sin” (Hebr. 12:1) in our life. Like with Paul’s thorn in the flesh (2 Cor. 12), the Lord may not completely remove it, but use it to keep us dependent on Him. However, if we blow it, this area could cost us our ministry. Don’t let this happen. Too many lives are at stake.

3. Don’t sacrifice your family on the altar of ministry.
Too many pastors have served the church at the expense of their family. We have a lot of flexibility with our schedules, and can actually use this flexibility in a way that benefits our family. Be at your child’s soccer game in the middle of the day; schedule a getaway during the week; and do breakfast or lunch dates with your kids when other dads are at work. My biggest fear (and I hope it stays my biggest fear) is that I would be successful in ministry but a failure at home.

4. Get your identity from who you are in Christ and not from your ministry performance or title.
If you are joyful only when the church is going well, and down when the church is doing poorly, it might indicate your identity is too wrapped up in your job. We must know who we are in Christ. This security and significance in Christ cannot be taken away and is not dependent on our ministry performance.

5. Minister as a team; it’s biblical, easier and more fun.
A pastor is to equip the saints for works of service (Eph. 4). This means he is not to do all the ministry himself. He is to train others to do ministry. He is to delegate and give away the ministry. In addition, he is to minister alongside others. We need others around us. It is dangerous to do ministry alone. God designed the body where every member is equally important. When you minister with a team you enjoy, it is so much fun.

Tips for Teams:
a. Value every member.
b. Affirm each other.
c. Know your role and don’t try to do others’ role.
d. Submit to authority and trust God to change them.
e. Speak the truth in love.
f. Defend one another.
g. Be clear on the vision and support it.
h. Don’t talk about others behind their back.
i. Believe the best in others and give them the benefit of the doubt.

6. The Word and the Spirit is the double barrel shotgun of ministry.
We need the Word for truth and the Spirit for power. The Word without the Spirit equals “dry up”; the Spirit without the Word equals “blow up”; but the Word with the Spirit equals “grow up”! “I came not with persuasive words of wisdom, but with the demonstrate of the Spirit and power, that man’s faith might not rest in the wisdom of man, but in the power of God” (1 Cor. 2:4-5).

7. Don’t forget who the real enemy is.
Our battle is not against flesh and blood (Eph. 6:10). Our enemy is not the deacon board, our spouse, nor our chief credit. Our real enemy is Satan, and he can be defeated as we submit to God, resist the Devil, and stand firm in the faith (Jas. 4:7; 1 Pe. 5:8).

8. The church is still the hope of the world, and Jesus is still her Head.
The church is the hands and feet of Jesus. His body is His method of accomplishing His will. Because Jesus is so committed to His kingdom and His Bride (i.e. church), we can be confident that He will continue to change lives and build His church. Never forget that Jesus is more concerned about the welfare of His church than we are. Remembering that Jesus is the Head of the church (and not me) helps me to sleep well at night.

9. Discipleship is one of the most eternal investments we can make.
Jesus gave his primary ministry effort to just 12 men! If His top priority was discipling a small group of men, should ours be any different? I made a commitment two years ago to disciple a small group of men every year for the rest of my life. For men to be in my discipleship group, I require them to make this same commitment. “The things you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful me, who will be able to teach others also” (2 Tim. 2:2).

10. God’s power can change anyone.
One of the greatest joys in ministry is seeing lives changed. We all know this is accomplished only by the power of the Holy Spirit! Recently I witnessed the former faculty advisor for the atheist club at the University of Georgia get saved! If ever I doubt God’s ability to change someone (or something in my life), I will think of how this man has been changed by the power of God!

I consider pastoring one of the greatest privileges in the world. For more on this, see my book “Pastoring With Passion” (ChurchSmart publishing). Feel free to email me at davidholt08@gmail.com