Living Together Before Marriage

Questions to Consider in Living Together

It is increasingly popular for couples to live together before marriage.  The following are some questions to consider before making this very important decision:

1.    Does this glorify God?

1Cor. 6:20 for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

To glorify God means to live in such a way that God is known and honored and pleased.  Looking at the purpose of marriage (to be an earthly picture of Christ and the church), does cohabiting glorify Him?

2.    Is this being more like Jesus or conforming to the world’s way of doing things?

Rom. 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Being a follower of Jesus is not meant to be easy.  Our standards of behavior are to be distinct from those of the world.

3.    Will we have premarital sex?

If so, then this is clearly against God’s standard of purity.  God says that sex should only be for a married couple.

Matt. 19:5-6 Jesus said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?  So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Heb. 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

1Cor. 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.

1Th. 4:3-5 For this is the will of God, your sanctification:  that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;

If you cannot refrain from having sex, then God’s Word says you should go ahead and get married: 

1Cor. 7:8-9 To the unmarried and the widows I say that cit is good for them to remain single das I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

4.    Does living together put us in a tempting situation?

Rom. 13:14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.

5.    In living together, could we cause another brother/sister to stumble?

1Cor. 8:9  Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak.

Rom. 14:12-13 So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way.

Rom. 14:21 It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall.

6.    Does living together build commitment and trust?

Every healthy marriage is built on commitment and trust.  Does living together build trust, or does it make it easy to get out of it once times get tough?

7.    Does living together present the appearance of evil?

1Th. 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil. (KJV)

Not that we are ultimately responsible for what others think, but living “above reproach” means that no one would have any reason to suspect us of sin.  This is part of our testimony to others.

8.     In living together, do we loose authority to speak into our future childrens’ lives?

Imagine years from now that your 16 year-old daughter wants to move in with a young man.  What will you tell her?  What if she says, “but you moved in with ____ when you were young.”

1Th. 1:7 so that you became an example to all the believers in Macedonia and in Achaia.

2Th. 3:9 It was not because we do not have that right, but to give you in ourselves an example to imitate. 

After considering these questions, what do YOU believe is the right thing to do?