Fathers, the following are some questions to ask a possible future spouse for your son! With commentary provided in italix.
Once your son is in a serious relationship, you might consider asking the young woman some (or all) of the following questions. Of course, her dad should be grilling your son, but it also helps for you to ask her the following questions (notice there aren’t as many as for the son dating your daughter). For some these might seem a bit too intimate, but my goal is to have such a close relationship with her that it wouldn’t even be that awkward.
1. Have you received Christ as the Forgiver and Leader of your life?/Tell me about your conversion experience. If this woman is not saved, she is disqualified immediately because I don’t want my son being unequally yoked. Marriage is hard enough when you are equally yoked.
2. Where are you at with the Lord right now, and what are you doing to grow in your relationship with Him? This tells me if she is a growing Christian. It also tells me what spiritual disciplines she practices. If she can’t be disciplined as a single woman, not much chance she will once married.
3. Are you in an accountability relationship with another woman (or women’s group)? The women she has in her life will tell me a lot about how teachable she is.
4. Tell me about your relationship with your parents (the good and not so good)? Often a woman will treat her husband the way she treats her dad. You might talk to her father about how she treats him.
5. What needs do you have in your life in which my son will need to be sensitive to in order for this marriage to work well? The more I know about her needs, the more I can help my son be a great husband.
6. What do you enjoy doing in your free time and whom do you do it with? How a woman spends her time and whom she spends it with tells me a lot about her.
7. What is your understanding of the roles of the husband and wife in a marriage? What role do you expect my son to play in the marriage? What role do you see yourself having? It is very important to get a person’s expectations on the table before the “I Do” is said. I am asking this as much for my son as I am for my sake.
8. What attracts you to my son? Certainly the physical will be part of it (or should be), but it better not be all there is. The more character qualities she mentions, the more points she gains with me. I really hope to hear that she respects him!
9. How much debt are you bringing into this marriage? Many people have college loans. I want my son to know what he will have to handle as the provider. Hopefully he already knows the answer to this question.
10. What are some of your guiding principles and philosophies of parenting? This woman will be the mother of my grandkids. Pretty important!
11. When you have children, do you desire to be a stay-home mom or work outside the home? I hope she wants to be home with the kids, and I certainly hope my son’s salary would allow her to be home.
12. Tell me about your past dating relationships. This will make a lot of people squirm, but if she has made some mistakes (which most of us have), how has she made past wrongs right and gained a clear conscience? My son will suffer if she brings past baggage into the marriage.
13. How will you respond when my son is struggling in some area, like with anger or lust? I should probably share with her what I have observed to be some of the major struggles in my son’s life. She probably already knows them. She needs to know what she is getting into, because we can so easily hide our weakness when dating.
14. If you ever feel like my son is putting his work or hobbies before you, how will you respond? Can she speak the truth in love?
15. What is your biggest fear or apprehension about marriage?
16. What will you do if you are struggling in this marriage and an old boyfriend tries to make contact with you on the Internet? Marriage counselors tell us that the Internet is in some way a major force in 70% of all divorces.
17. What will you do when your sex drive decreases but his stays the same or increases (this often occurs after you have a child)? What will you do to avoid sexual immorality in the marriage? No commentary needed here, because the importance of this area is obvious to all.
18. Are you physically healthy? Are you willing to take a blood test for STDs? When I got married we had to do this. Can’t believe this isn’t required today.
19. What is something in your past that was painful or difficult, and how have you trusted God through it? This is a great question to ask any fellow follower of Christ.
20. Do you have any questions for me? The questions people ask tell me a lot about them.
Now that we are done with questions, I have a statement to make: if my son ever treats you poorly, feel free to come to me, and I will do everything I can to help.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Questions a Father Should Ask Someone Dating His Daughter
Fathers, once your daughter is in a serious relationship, you might consider asking the young man some (or all) of the following questions (commentary in italix):
1. Have you received Christ as the Forgiver and Leader of your life?/Tell me about your conversion experience. If this man is not saved, he is disqualified immediately because I don’t want my daughter being unequally yoked. Marriage is hard enough when you are equally yoked.
2. Where are you at with the Lord right now, and what are you doing to grow in your relationship with Him? This tells me if he is a growing Christian. It also tells me what spiritual disciplines he practices. If he can’t be disciplined as a single man, not much chance he will once married.
3. Are you in an accountability relationship with another man (or men’s group)? Howard Hendricks says a man who doesn’t have this in his life …. is an accident waiting to happen.
4. Tell me about your relationship with your parents (the good and not so good)? Often a man will treat his wife the way he treated his mother. Might be a good idea to talk to his mother. She will know her son well!
5. What do you enjoy doing in your free time and whom do you do it with? How a man spends his time and whom he spends it with tells me a lot about him.
6. What is your understanding of the roles of the husband and wife in a marriage? What role do you expect my daughter to play in the marriage? If he thinks he can come home from work, put his feet up, and have my daughter serve him hand and foot, I just might have to put my foot down on him.
7. What attracts you to my daughter? Certainly the physical will be part of it (or should be), but it better not be all there is. The more character qualities he mentions, the more points he gains with me.
8. What needs do you have in your life in which my daughter will need to be sensitive to in order for this marriage to work well? Hey, knowing this can help me to help him should my daughter ever come to me with frustrations. We men need to look after one another.
9. What is your fatal flaw (i.e. besetting sin or area of greatest vulnerability) and what are you doing to make sure it doesn’t flare up and burn your house down? I am assuming here that I have a close enough relationship with him to ask such a personal question.
10. How are you going to be the financial provider? He better pass this question or else he doesn’t have a chance, because I am not going to pay the bills forever, and he better be able to or else I am not giving my daughter to this guy.
11. How much debt do you have? Do you have a plan to pay it off? How a man manages his money says a lot about him.
12. How are you going to provide spiritual leadership in the marriage and family (when kids come)? I will give extra grace here because I realize we all have a ways to go here, but he at least he better have some thoughts on this one.
13. When my daughter gives birth to your children, what are your expectations of her in the marriage now (i.e. stay home, work outside the home, etc.)? It is never too early to think about these kinds of things. At least it gets them as a couple talking this, if they haven’t already.
14. What are some of your guiding principles and philosophies of parenting? This guy might father my grandkids! Pretty important.
15. Tell me about your past dating relationships. This will make a lot of guys squirm, but if so, how has he made past wrongs right and gained a clear conscience? My daughter will suffer if he brings past baggage into the marriage.
16. How will you respond when my daughter is struggling in some area? I am looking for sensitivity, kindness, and tenderness here.
17. What will you do if you are struggling in your marriage and an old girlfriend tries to make contact with you on the Internet? Marriage counselors tell us that the Internet is in some way a major force in 70% of all divorces.
18. What will you do when your wife’s sex drive decreases but yours stays the same or increases? What will you do to avoid sexual immorality? No commentary needed here, because the importance of this area is obvious to all.
19. Is there pornography in your past or present, and if so, what are you doing about it? I’m not going to say anymore here.
20. When my daughter/your wife is at that “time of the month” and becomes quite irritable, how are you going to handle it? What will you do if she is driving you crazy and you are about to loose your temper? He probably won’t know how to answer this, but at least it gets him thinking.
21. Are you physically healthy? Are you willing to take a blood test for STDs? When I got married we had to do this. Can’t believe this isn’t required today.
22. What is something in your past that was painful or difficult, and how have you trusted God through it? This is a great question to ask any fellow follower of Christ.
23. Do you have any questions for me? The questions people ask tell me a lot about them.
Now that we are done with questions, I have a statement to make: if you ever hurt my daughter, I will kill you!
1. Have you received Christ as the Forgiver and Leader of your life?/Tell me about your conversion experience. If this man is not saved, he is disqualified immediately because I don’t want my daughter being unequally yoked. Marriage is hard enough when you are equally yoked.
2. Where are you at with the Lord right now, and what are you doing to grow in your relationship with Him? This tells me if he is a growing Christian. It also tells me what spiritual disciplines he practices. If he can’t be disciplined as a single man, not much chance he will once married.
3. Are you in an accountability relationship with another man (or men’s group)? Howard Hendricks says a man who doesn’t have this in his life …. is an accident waiting to happen.
4. Tell me about your relationship with your parents (the good and not so good)? Often a man will treat his wife the way he treated his mother. Might be a good idea to talk to his mother. She will know her son well!
5. What do you enjoy doing in your free time and whom do you do it with? How a man spends his time and whom he spends it with tells me a lot about him.
6. What is your understanding of the roles of the husband and wife in a marriage? What role do you expect my daughter to play in the marriage? If he thinks he can come home from work, put his feet up, and have my daughter serve him hand and foot, I just might have to put my foot down on him.
7. What attracts you to my daughter? Certainly the physical will be part of it (or should be), but it better not be all there is. The more character qualities he mentions, the more points he gains with me.
8. What needs do you have in your life in which my daughter will need to be sensitive to in order for this marriage to work well? Hey, knowing this can help me to help him should my daughter ever come to me with frustrations. We men need to look after one another.
9. What is your fatal flaw (i.e. besetting sin or area of greatest vulnerability) and what are you doing to make sure it doesn’t flare up and burn your house down? I am assuming here that I have a close enough relationship with him to ask such a personal question.
10. How are you going to be the financial provider? He better pass this question or else he doesn’t have a chance, because I am not going to pay the bills forever, and he better be able to or else I am not giving my daughter to this guy.
11. How much debt do you have? Do you have a plan to pay it off? How a man manages his money says a lot about him.
12. How are you going to provide spiritual leadership in the marriage and family (when kids come)? I will give extra grace here because I realize we all have a ways to go here, but he at least he better have some thoughts on this one.
13. When my daughter gives birth to your children, what are your expectations of her in the marriage now (i.e. stay home, work outside the home, etc.)? It is never too early to think about these kinds of things. At least it gets them as a couple talking this, if they haven’t already.
14. What are some of your guiding principles and philosophies of parenting? This guy might father my grandkids! Pretty important.
15. Tell me about your past dating relationships. This will make a lot of guys squirm, but if so, how has he made past wrongs right and gained a clear conscience? My daughter will suffer if he brings past baggage into the marriage.
16. How will you respond when my daughter is struggling in some area? I am looking for sensitivity, kindness, and tenderness here.
17. What will you do if you are struggling in your marriage and an old girlfriend tries to make contact with you on the Internet? Marriage counselors tell us that the Internet is in some way a major force in 70% of all divorces.
18. What will you do when your wife’s sex drive decreases but yours stays the same or increases? What will you do to avoid sexual immorality? No commentary needed here, because the importance of this area is obvious to all.
19. Is there pornography in your past or present, and if so, what are you doing about it? I’m not going to say anymore here.
20. When my daughter/your wife is at that “time of the month” and becomes quite irritable, how are you going to handle it? What will you do if she is driving you crazy and you are about to loose your temper? He probably won’t know how to answer this, but at least it gets him thinking.
21. Are you physically healthy? Are you willing to take a blood test for STDs? When I got married we had to do this. Can’t believe this isn’t required today.
22. What is something in your past that was painful or difficult, and how have you trusted God through it? This is a great question to ask any fellow follower of Christ.
23. Do you have any questions for me? The questions people ask tell me a lot about them.
Now that we are done with questions, I have a statement to make: if you ever hurt my daughter, I will kill you!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Lessons from Gettysburg
This week I had the privilege of returning to Gettysburg National Military Park, the site of the famous Battle of Gettysburg that took place on July 1-3, 1863. There is something solemn and sacred about being on the very grounds where 51,000 Americans were killed and wounded in just three days, by far the bloodiest spot on U.S. soil. It is hard to believe this took place just 148 years ago.
As I walked the grounds, toured the museum, stood silent in the cemetery, reflected on the war itself, read inscriptions on monuments, and just contemplated what took place on this small piece of land, my mind was filled with a variety of thoughts and emotions.
It is difficult for us in the 21st century to imagine our nation so divided that we would war with one another. Though the Civil War was a dark time in America, through it came the unity we now enjoy as the UNITED STATES of AMERICA! As a native southerner, I must say I am glad the south “lost the war,” for in God’s sovereign work, this resulted in the end to that terrible blight called slavery.
At one point in my day, I walked the slope up “Little Round Top,” where Chamberlain’s soldiers held their ground against a bastion of soldiers from Alabama. I caught the smell of sweat honeysuckle in the air that was once filled with the stench of death. My afternoon included a mixture of rain and sun, almost representative of how a storm is often needed to bring the sunlight of hope.
It seems that often it takes the negative to produce the positive, death to give life, and pain to yield gain. By far the greatest lesson in this war, as is true of all wars, is that it usually takes the sacrifice of death to win victory. Blood must be shed to bring lasting freedom. The few must sacrifice for the benefit of the many.
Our tour guide mentioned that the Georgia monument had the best quote of all: “When duty called, we came; when country called, we died.”
Just before I left, I visited the cemetery: row after row of buried soldiers, many just listed by a number. I couldn’t help but notice the many crosses on the graves. How fitting—Jesus gave His life, shed His blood, and sacrificed Himself so that we might be free from sin, death, and Satan. When Jesus breathed His last on that cruel and vicious cross, He said, “It is finished.” Paid in full—the sacrifice of the One for the many; the pouring out of His blood in battle, that we might be free.
But there still rages a Civil War within us—that battle with the flesh, the world, and the Devil. We fight this battle every day. However, the weapons of our warfare are not fleshly, but divinely powerful for the destruction of strongholds. We take every thought captive and make it obey Christ. Following Christ sometimes takes the same courage those soldiers displayed at Gettysburg.
As we die to self, we live for Christ. As we say “no” to temptations, we say “yes” to the One who gave His all for us.
So once again, God has powerful lessons for us from history. After all, history is really His Story! The physical, natural and humanly is designed to point us to the spiritual, supernatural, and divine.
Lyrics to Battle Hymn of the Republic by Julia Ward Howe
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord:
He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored;
He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword:
His truth is marching on.
(Chorus)
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
His truth is marching on.
I have seen Him in the watch-fires of a hundred circling camps,
They have builded Him an altar in the evening dews and damps;
I can read His righteous sentence by the dim and flaring lamps:
His day is marching on.
(Chorus)
I have read a fiery gospel writ in burnished rows of steel:
"As ye deal with my contemners, so with you my grace shall deal;
Let the Hero, born of woman, crush the serpent with his heel,
Since God is marching on."
(Chorus)
He has sounded forth the trumpet that shall never call retreat;
He is sifting out the hearts of men before His judgment-seat:
Oh, be swift, my soul, to answer Him! be jubilant, my feet!
Our God is marching on.
(Chorus)
In the beauty of the lilies Christ was born across the sea,
With a glory in His bosom that transfigures you and me:
As He died to make men holy, let us die to make men free,
While God is marching on.
(Chorus)
He is coming like the glory of the morning on the wave,
He is Wisdom to the mighty, He is Succour to the brave,
So the world shall be His footstool, and the soul of Time His slave,
Our God is marching on.
(Chorus)
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Our God is marching on.
Friday, June 24, 2011
"... But at Your Word"
“And Simon answered, ‘Master, we toiled all night and took nothing! But at your word I will let down the nets.’" (Luke 5:5)
In this one verse we have a powerful truth: we can act in faith despite our circumstances!
Here is the situation in Luke 5: Peter had fished all night and cleaned his nets. He was tired. He was discouraged. He had caught nothing. For a fisherman to fish all night and catch nothing is very disappointing. And yet, in the midst of this scenario, Jesus calls Him to obey His Word and go out again.
Perhaps right now you are disappointed, discouraged, and disheartened about your circumstances. It may be your marriage, your children, your health, your job, your lack of a job, your relationships, your finances, or all of the above. It is very easy to get down and depressed when we focus on our circumstances. Jesus said that in this world we would have (not might have) tribulation (John 16:33).
Right on the heels of Peter fishing all night with no results, Jesus tells him to go back out to fish again. Peter acknowledges his frustration … but then he acts in faith with this profound statement: “But at your word I will let down the nets.” Here is faith at its finest: taking God at His word, even when the circumstances are not going our way!
Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1). Faith is proclaiming truth when life shouts otherwise. Faith is standing on a promise from God and praying it into reality. Without faith it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6).
So, how do we do this? First, we can be honest about our struggles in life. David did this frequently in the book of Psalms. Most Psalms start off with David complaining and pouring out his heart to God. However, as many Psalms progress, we find David moving from frustration to faith. Therefore, the second thing to do is act in faith by taking God at His word. We can proclaim God’s Word about the situation we face. For example, if a lost or wayward child is causing us frustration, faith says, “I am so frustrated that my child is not following you, Lord, but at your word I will continue to pray and proclaim your truth that you desire for no one to perish but for all to come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9). If we feel fearful about a situation, faith can say, “Lord, I am feeling fear right now, but at your word I claim that you have not given me a spirit of fear but power, love and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:6). If someone is mistreating us and we are about to slip into a pity party, faith proclaims, “Lord, I am hurting right now and lonely, but at your word I claim that you are with me always and you can give me 1 Corinthians 13 love for this person.” If we don’t know how we are going to pay a bill, faith says, “Lord, I am worried about these bills, but at your word I ask you to be my provider (Philippians 4:19), and I thank you in advance for what you are going to do.”
Where do you need to do a “but at your word” in your life? Find Scripture to claim that directly relates to whatever challenge you are facing, and speak it out in faith. Jesus said, “For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you” (Matthew 17:20).
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Gaining a Clear Conscience
Having a clear conscience is a huge blessing. A clear conscience is where you know you have dealt with every sin God has revealed to you. You are free in Christ because you know you have forgiveness. When we sin against another, we need to not only ask God to forgive us (1 Jn. 1:9), but we also need to ask the person to whom we sinned against to forgive us. This will result in a clear conscience (Hebr. 10:22; 1 Pe. 3:16).
Paul said in Acts 24:16, “So I always take pains to have a clear conscience toward both God and man.” In addition, consider Romans 12:18 when it says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.” Obviously it takes two to have complete peace, but we are to make sure we do our part in having peace with everyone. Taking ownership for our sinful behavior is one way to insure we do our part in having peace with others.
Ask God to reveal to you anybody with whom you need to ask forgiveness from. Often He will show us friends, family, spouse, and others that we need to go to and humbly ask forgiveness.
Lord God, thank You for your kind forgiveness of my sins. Lord Jesus, thank You for shedding your precious blood for my sins. Holy Spirit, please reveal to me everyone I have sinned against. Show me those I need to humbly go to and ask forgiveness. Use all of this to bring about great healing in my life and theirs.
First ask God to forgive you for the sin, and then go to the person and consider saying something like this, “I need to ask you to forgive me for sinning against you by _____ (name the sin). Please forgive me.” It may be best to do this in written form instead of in person, depending on the distance involved and the volatility of the relationship. Seek to be led by the Holy Spirit in what and how you do this.
Monday, May 2, 2011
How do we know Jesus is the Son of God?
1. His birth through a virgin.
2. His teachings were astounding.
3. His love was penetrating.
4. His miracles were supernatural.
5. His fulfillment of prophecy is mind-blowing.
6. His resurrection is indisputable (empty tomb, no evidence to the contrary, etc.).
7. His disciples’ martyrdom (who would die for a known lie?).
8. HIStory is supportive.
a. Archeology
b. Extra-biblical writers (e.g., Josephus).
c. Changed lives (disciples, Paul, and billions of others).
The best way to know Jesus is the Son of God is to receive Him as Savior and allow Him to be your lord and life!
2. His teachings were astounding.
3. His love was penetrating.
4. His miracles were supernatural.
5. His fulfillment of prophecy is mind-blowing.
6. His resurrection is indisputable (empty tomb, no evidence to the contrary, etc.).
7. His disciples’ martyrdom (who would die for a known lie?).
8. HIStory is supportive.
a. Archeology
b. Extra-biblical writers (e.g., Josephus).
c. Changed lives (disciples, Paul, and billions of others).
The best way to know Jesus is the Son of God is to receive Him as Savior and allow Him to be your lord and life!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
How Can We Know the Bible is God's Word?
1. The Bible claims to be God’s Word. This does not make it such, but it does make it a document to be reckoned with.
2. The Bible is historically accurate.
3. Archeology and extra-biblical sources continue to verify its accuracy.
4. The Bible has been preserved over time despite many attempts to destroy it.
5. The Bible was recognized as having a divine author from early on.
6. The Bible displays an amazing unity (i.e, salvation in Jesus Christ) amidst incredible diversity.
7. The Bible points ultimately to the living Word of God, Jesus.
Lu. 24:44 “all that was written in the psalms, the law and the prophets was written about me.”
John 5:39 You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and wit is they that bear witness about me
8. The Bible provides supernatural insights into the world and life that extends beyond the human ability of the writers to know.
9. The Bible contains prophecies that demonstrate a divine author.
a. Predictions in O.T. history that have been fulfilled.
b. Prophecies fulfilled in Jesus (most written 700-1000 before He was born). Isa. 7:14; 9:6; 53; Ps. 22; Zech. 9:9
c. Prophecies yet to be fulfilled. Mt. 24; Rev. 15-21
10. The Bible has led to many changed lives.
With all of this said, the best way to know the Bible is God’s Word is to read it and experience its power firsthand.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Helping Men Spend Time with God
At our church we have "iron man groups." These are groups of 3-5 men who meet for encouragement, accountability, and support. Currently we have about 25 of these groups. I am in regular contact with the captains of these groups, and often they ask me about how to get their men to spend time with God. Here is what I tell them:
1. Be sure you are modeling this—leadership by example. The best way to motivate your men to spend time with God is to do so yourself and then to freely share with them what God shows you from His Word, how you are benefiting from it, how you pray, etc.
2. Almost every time you meet, talk about it. Ask them how their times with God are going! See if they want to be held accountable to this, and if so, do it with fierceness and love. Each time you meet simply ask, “So, how are your times with God going? Where are you in the Word? What is God teaching you from His Word? How many days this week did you spend some time alone with God?”
3. If they are not spending time with God, help them to identify what the barriers are: laziness, priority, conviction about its importance, not knowing how, etc.
4. Make a "pact" as a group to each have a Quiet Time for 21 consecutive days. Email them every day to remind them. Studies show that it takes 21 days to develop a true habit.
5. Don't be reading any other books for a "study" if the men are not spending time with God. In other words, if they are currently taking time to read another book, they can now substitute that time for time in the Word and prayer, which is more important! Leonard Ravenhill once said, “The best book is the one that makes you put it down for the Book of books.”
6. Teach your men how to have a Quite Time. Make it very "doable." Just ask them to read about 5-10 verses a day (going through a book like Ephesians, so that today I read Eph. 1:1-5 and tomorrow I read Eph. 1:6-10, etc.) and then spend about 5 minutes in prayer using the ACTS approach (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication).
7. Agree as a group to each have your time with God in the same book of the Bible. For example, say "Hey, let's all be in the book of Ephesians this month. So, for next week, let's each bring something that stood out to us in the first chapter."
8. Last but not least: pray for them, that God will give them the desire and the power to do this (Phil. 2:12-13).
1. Be sure you are modeling this—leadership by example. The best way to motivate your men to spend time with God is to do so yourself and then to freely share with them what God shows you from His Word, how you are benefiting from it, how you pray, etc.
2. Almost every time you meet, talk about it. Ask them how their times with God are going! See if they want to be held accountable to this, and if so, do it with fierceness and love. Each time you meet simply ask, “So, how are your times with God going? Where are you in the Word? What is God teaching you from His Word? How many days this week did you spend some time alone with God?”
3. If they are not spending time with God, help them to identify what the barriers are: laziness, priority, conviction about its importance, not knowing how, etc.
4. Make a "pact" as a group to each have a Quiet Time for 21 consecutive days. Email them every day to remind them. Studies show that it takes 21 days to develop a true habit.
5. Don't be reading any other books for a "study" if the men are not spending time with God. In other words, if they are currently taking time to read another book, they can now substitute that time for time in the Word and prayer, which is more important! Leonard Ravenhill once said, “The best book is the one that makes you put it down for the Book of books.”
6. Teach your men how to have a Quite Time. Make it very "doable." Just ask them to read about 5-10 verses a day (going through a book like Ephesians, so that today I read Eph. 1:1-5 and tomorrow I read Eph. 1:6-10, etc.) and then spend about 5 minutes in prayer using the ACTS approach (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication).
7. Agree as a group to each have your time with God in the same book of the Bible. For example, say "Hey, let's all be in the book of Ephesians this month. So, for next week, let's each bring something that stood out to us in the first chapter."
8. Last but not least: pray for them, that God will give them the desire and the power to do this (Phil. 2:12-13).
Friday, April 15, 2011
To Tattoo or not to Tattoo - Biblical Principles for a Godly Decision
Recently a young person asked me what I thought about him getting a tattoo. He wanted a nice Christian symbol permanently inked into his body. I greatly admired the fact that he was truly seeking Godly counsel before making this very important decision. Rather than give him an “I am for it or against it” answer, I provided him with the following biblical principles to use in his decision:
1. Ask your parents what they think. After all, one of the 10 Commandments is to “honor your father and mother” (Ex. 20:12).
2. Consider your influence on others, “for all things are lawful but not all things are profitable” (1 Cor. 10:23). Make a list of all the possible effects this might have on others, young and old alike.
3. Consider the permanence of this, and ask yourself, “Is this something I want on my body when I am 50, 60, 70, or 80 years old?” It may be “cool” now but what about then?
4. What will your present or future spouse think about it? After all, when married your body does not belong to you alone but also to him/her (see 1 Cor. 7:4). What would it be like to be married to someone who did not like your tattoo and always had a bit of resentment toward it?
5. What will your future boss think about it? If the tattoo is not visible, this is not an issue. However, if the tattoo is quite visible to others, it could cost you a job. I know of employers who have interviewed potential employees, and upon seeing their tattoo offered the job to someone else. Whether right or wrong, this does happen.
6. Think through your future counsel and influence upon your children one day. What if your future child wants to get a tattoo and it isn’t a Christian symbol, and after you say “no” he says, “But you have one. It just looks a little different than the one I want to get”?
7. Be sure to evaluate your motives. It is always a good question to ask ourselves, “Why do I really want this? Am I doing this to be cool, to fit in, or to get acceptance from others?”
8. Be willing to give it more time before deciding. “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength” (Isa. 40:31). You never go wrong waiting, but you can go wrong rushing a decision like this. I give this same advice to those unsure of marriage!
9. Last, but certainly not least, is to ask the Lord what He thinks. Our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit. “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body” (1 Cor. 6:19-20).
One final thought: I know some will point to the following passage to say that all tattoos are sinful – “Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD” (Lev. 19:28). However, I think a careful study of this passage will reveal that tattoos at the time of this prohibition were clearly connected with pagan worship. While some tattoos today would certainly fit that context, not all do, and therefore, this passage cannot be used to forbid any and all tattoos.
We must be prayerful, biblical and wise and in all our decisions.
1. Ask your parents what they think. After all, one of the 10 Commandments is to “honor your father and mother” (Ex. 20:12).
2. Consider your influence on others, “for all things are lawful but not all things are profitable” (1 Cor. 10:23). Make a list of all the possible effects this might have on others, young and old alike.
3. Consider the permanence of this, and ask yourself, “Is this something I want on my body when I am 50, 60, 70, or 80 years old?” It may be “cool” now but what about then?
4. What will your present or future spouse think about it? After all, when married your body does not belong to you alone but also to him/her (see 1 Cor. 7:4). What would it be like to be married to someone who did not like your tattoo and always had a bit of resentment toward it?
5. What will your future boss think about it? If the tattoo is not visible, this is not an issue. However, if the tattoo is quite visible to others, it could cost you a job. I know of employers who have interviewed potential employees, and upon seeing their tattoo offered the job to someone else. Whether right or wrong, this does happen.
6. Think through your future counsel and influence upon your children one day. What if your future child wants to get a tattoo and it isn’t a Christian symbol, and after you say “no” he says, “But you have one. It just looks a little different than the one I want to get”?
7. Be sure to evaluate your motives. It is always a good question to ask ourselves, “Why do I really want this? Am I doing this to be cool, to fit in, or to get acceptance from others?”
8. Be willing to give it more time before deciding. “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength” (Isa. 40:31). You never go wrong waiting, but you can go wrong rushing a decision like this. I give this same advice to those unsure of marriage!
9. Last, but certainly not least, is to ask the Lord what He thinks. Our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit. “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body” (1 Cor. 6:19-20).
One final thought: I know some will point to the following passage to say that all tattoos are sinful – “Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD” (Lev. 19:28). However, I think a careful study of this passage will reveal that tattoos at the time of this prohibition were clearly connected with pagan worship. While some tattoos today would certainly fit that context, not all do, and therefore, this passage cannot be used to forbid any and all tattoos.
We must be prayerful, biblical and wise and in all our decisions.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Critique of "Love Wins" by Rob Bell
Today I read Rob Bell’s book “Love Wins.” I had my Bible in front of me as I did so. Frequently I turned to passages he addressed as well as many he tragically neglected. About every five pages I have question marks in the margin of my book.
My conclusion is that this book is quite unbiblical, reductionistic, misleading, universalistic, and caters to our feel-good culture. It is outright dangerous.
Here are my comments and concerns about the book:
1. He takes God’s love at the expense of God’s holiness. We cannot pick and choose which attributes of God we like and discount the ones we don’t like. Here is a good example: “Many have heard the gospel framed in terms of rescue. God has to punish sinners, because God is holy, but Jesus has paid the price for our sin, and so we can have eternal life. However true or untrue that is technically or theologically, what it can do is subtly teach people that Jesus rescues us from God. Let’s be very clear, then: we do not need to be rescued from God” (p. 182). What does Bell do with Romans 5:9: “Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him”?
2. He is quite reductionistic (i.e. reducing the truths) about God’s character, heaven as a real place, hell as a real place, salvation as needing to “call on the name of the Lord” as Romans 10 says, and the Bible as God’s inerrant Word.
3. This statement pretty much summarizes the book and you can see how unbiblical this is: “At the center of the Christian tradition since the first church have been a number who insist that history is not tragic, hell is not forever, and love, in the end, wins and all will be reconciled to God" (p. 109).
4. Though he never says he is a universalist, he pretty much is in that he says everyone (except those who outright deny God and say they want nothing to do with God) is in God’s family and will go to heaven. He says “Jesus forgives them all, without their asking for it” (p. 188). So we don’t have to “believe on the Lord Jesus” (Acts 16:31) … “repent and believe” (Mk. 1:15) … “call on the name of the Lord” (Rom. 10:13) … “confess with your mouth and believe in your heart” (Rom. 10:9) … “receive Him” (Jn. 1:12) … etc., etc.?
5. He completed overlooks passages like 2 Thess. 1:5-12 and Rev. 20-21 that would be very problematic to his teachings about hell.
6. He allows the many complexities of sin and people’s issues cloud his theology. I am all for being sensitive to people’s pain and abuse and questions about God, but people’s experience can never trump God’s Word.
7. Unfortunately this smells of classic liberalism – reducing God’s truth to that which we can more easily stomach and present to others without offending them.
8. It seems he has an ax to grind with Christians who have turned off people by their “turn or burn” approach.
9. Bell admitted in an interview that much of this book comes out of his own struggles with things in the evangelical movement. It is dangerous when our experience in this respect shapes our theology.
10. He makes the “all” in certain verses about the atonement apply to the whole world, regardless of their response to Jesus. Yes, Jesus died for all in one sense, but this doesn’t guarantee the “all” respond in faith.
11. This book again shows how important Systematic Theology is. Bell takes a few verses about a topic and builds a case that excludes so many other verses that speak of the same topic. Systematic Theology takes the whole of Scripture about various doctrines.
Are there any positives? Well, at least in the last chapter he talks about the time he prayed to receive Christ as a child and how life changing this was. This was very good to hear since everything up to that point had been critical of the typical evangelical way of doing evangelism.
In conclusion, once again this is a reminder that theology matters. We must be sharp in our biblical understanding, because as the time of Christ gets closer, many will fall away (Mt. 24:9), be seduced into the doctrine of demons (1 Tim. 4:1), and gather teachers who say what their itching ears want to hear (2 Tim. 4:3). We better be like the Bereans who examined everything they heard (the teachings of Paul at that time!) to see if it is consistent with God’s Word (Acts 17:11)!
Oh Lord, we cry out to You for discernment and wisdom. Help us to stay true to Your Word in all we say, do, and teach others. And may we defend Your truth with love, in the power of Your Holy Spirit.
For a much more thorough critique of the book, I encourage you to check out the one by Kevin DeYoung found at the Gospel Coalition:
http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/kevindeyoung/2011/03/14/rob-bell-love-wins-review/
My conclusion is that this book is quite unbiblical, reductionistic, misleading, universalistic, and caters to our feel-good culture. It is outright dangerous.
Here are my comments and concerns about the book:
1. He takes God’s love at the expense of God’s holiness. We cannot pick and choose which attributes of God we like and discount the ones we don’t like. Here is a good example: “Many have heard the gospel framed in terms of rescue. God has to punish sinners, because God is holy, but Jesus has paid the price for our sin, and so we can have eternal life. However true or untrue that is technically or theologically, what it can do is subtly teach people that Jesus rescues us from God. Let’s be very clear, then: we do not need to be rescued from God” (p. 182). What does Bell do with Romans 5:9: “Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him”?
2. He is quite reductionistic (i.e. reducing the truths) about God’s character, heaven as a real place, hell as a real place, salvation as needing to “call on the name of the Lord” as Romans 10 says, and the Bible as God’s inerrant Word.
3. This statement pretty much summarizes the book and you can see how unbiblical this is: “At the center of the Christian tradition since the first church have been a number who insist that history is not tragic, hell is not forever, and love, in the end, wins and all will be reconciled to God" (p. 109).
4. Though he never says he is a universalist, he pretty much is in that he says everyone (except those who outright deny God and say they want nothing to do with God) is in God’s family and will go to heaven. He says “Jesus forgives them all, without their asking for it” (p. 188). So we don’t have to “believe on the Lord Jesus” (Acts 16:31) … “repent and believe” (Mk. 1:15) … “call on the name of the Lord” (Rom. 10:13) … “confess with your mouth and believe in your heart” (Rom. 10:9) … “receive Him” (Jn. 1:12) … etc., etc.?
5. He completed overlooks passages like 2 Thess. 1:5-12 and Rev. 20-21 that would be very problematic to his teachings about hell.
6. He allows the many complexities of sin and people’s issues cloud his theology. I am all for being sensitive to people’s pain and abuse and questions about God, but people’s experience can never trump God’s Word.
7. Unfortunately this smells of classic liberalism – reducing God’s truth to that which we can more easily stomach and present to others without offending them.
8. It seems he has an ax to grind with Christians who have turned off people by their “turn or burn” approach.
9. Bell admitted in an interview that much of this book comes out of his own struggles with things in the evangelical movement. It is dangerous when our experience in this respect shapes our theology.
10. He makes the “all” in certain verses about the atonement apply to the whole world, regardless of their response to Jesus. Yes, Jesus died for all in one sense, but this doesn’t guarantee the “all” respond in faith.
11. This book again shows how important Systematic Theology is. Bell takes a few verses about a topic and builds a case that excludes so many other verses that speak of the same topic. Systematic Theology takes the whole of Scripture about various doctrines.
Are there any positives? Well, at least in the last chapter he talks about the time he prayed to receive Christ as a child and how life changing this was. This was very good to hear since everything up to that point had been critical of the typical evangelical way of doing evangelism.
In conclusion, once again this is a reminder that theology matters. We must be sharp in our biblical understanding, because as the time of Christ gets closer, many will fall away (Mt. 24:9), be seduced into the doctrine of demons (1 Tim. 4:1), and gather teachers who say what their itching ears want to hear (2 Tim. 4:3). We better be like the Bereans who examined everything they heard (the teachings of Paul at that time!) to see if it is consistent with God’s Word (Acts 17:11)!
Oh Lord, we cry out to You for discernment and wisdom. Help us to stay true to Your Word in all we say, do, and teach others. And may we defend Your truth with love, in the power of Your Holy Spirit.
For a much more thorough critique of the book, I encourage you to check out the one by Kevin DeYoung found at the Gospel Coalition:
http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/kevindeyoung/2011/03/14/rob-bell-love-wins-review/
Friday, March 11, 2011
Being Offended By God
In the book, The Fire of Delayed Answers, Bob Sorge says, “'Would Jesus purposefully offend me?’ Someone might ask. ‘He wouldn’t do that, would He?’ The answer is, yes. He not only would, but He will. If you choose to believe in Jesus, the time will come when you will have opportunity to be offended by Him. It’s inevitable” (p. 200).
Some of the greatest saints in the Bible have been offended by God. It is part of the process God takes us through to test our faith and obedience. Most importantly, this experience is divinely designed to move us to the “father” stage of maturity found in 1 John 2:14: “I have written to you, fathers, because you have known Him who has been from the beginning.” The road we must travel to “know Him
who has been from the beginning” is the path of pain, perplexity, and trials. However, at the end of this journey is a faithful and loving Father who “rewards those who diligently seek Him” (Hebrews 11:6).
Being offended by God shatters our image of God and forces us to either hold fast to Him or abandon Him. If we hold fast, we pass the test. If we abandon Him, we fail the test. Be warned: for some, being offended by God leads to unbelief – they quit believing in God because He was not what they expected.
Being offended by God is a defining moment; it’s a turning point in our life; it may be the most severe test of our life.
So, what does it mean to be offended by God? Being offended by God is when:
- God allows or causes something to happen to you that is very unpleasant, but the difficulty is not due to any wrongdoing on your part – case in point: Job when he lost everything while being the most righteous man alive.
- Something happens that causes you to become angry at God – exhibit B: King David when his enemies were prospering while he was suffering.
- Trials come into your life and you feel betrayed by God – case in point: Jesus when He cried “My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken Me?” (Mt. 27:46)
- God doesn’t meet your expectations of who you think He should be or what He should do for you – exhibit D: John the Baptist when he questioned whether Jesus truly was the Messiah. After all, if Jesus was the Messiah, then why was John in prison and Jesus not delivering the Jews from the Romans? After answering John’s question about whether or not Jesus truly was the Messiah, He said, “And blessed is the one who is not offended by Me” (ESV; Luke 7:23). There is an important lesson here: We must be careful that our expectations of God are biblical and not fleshly!
Perhaps you are experiencing something very difficult: divorce, cancer, loss of a loved one, disabled spouse, prolonged physical issues, depression, unanswered prayers, delayed answers to prayer, loneliness, unemployment, etc. If you are honest, you feel like God has not come through as He should. You are now realizing you have been offended by God.
If you have been offended by God, what do you do? How can you pass the test? What can you practically do to insure that you hold fast to God and experience Him in a fuller way rather than drift into unbelief? Here are my suggestions:
- Do not neglect spending time with God, even though many days you will not feel like it. I highly recommend the book of Psalms because of the honesty of the authors. Speaking of honesty:
- Be totally honest with the Lord in prayer, but do not allow a “demanding spirit” to surface within you. A demanding spirit is when you demand God to do what you want Him to do, instead of submitting to His will in the midst of pain.
- Analyze carefully and biblically your expectations of God. Many are “offended” because of fleshly and selfish desires. If you realize your offense is due to selfishness, surrender this selfishness to God.
- Be still and know that He is God (Psalms 46:10). In quietness and trust shall be your strength (Isaiah 30:15). Allow God to show you His love when you are hurting (Romans 5:5).
- Share your heart with at least one “Garden Friend.” A Garden Friend is someone you can be totally honest with, like Jesus when He told His select disciples in the Garden that His soul was “overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” (Mark 14:34). In addition to sharing your heart with this person, be open to his/her counsel.
- Ask God to encourage you when you feel discouraged.
- Guard your “fatal flaw.” A fatal flaw is the area you are most vulnerable to sin and temptation. When we are going through hard times, our flesh will want to sin more than ever. Therefore, be aware of this and take steps to avoid falling to your fatal flaw.
- Find Scriptures that apply to your situation and pray them back to God. God loves to hear His Word. God is delighted when we take Him at His Word. This is called faith, and “without faith it is impossible to please God, for he that comes to God must believe that He exists, and that He rewards those who diligently seek Him” (Hebrews 11:6).
Obviously, being offended by God is no fun at all. In fact, it can be painful to even admit you are offended by God. After all, He is perfect, so how could you be offended by Someone who is incapable of wrongdoing?
In any case, we all have times when God does not come through like we expect. When this occurs, the key question is this: Will we confess as Job did, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him” (Job 13:15)???
Corrie Ten Boon, while in a concentration camp during WW II, once said, “The deepest level of faith is choosing to trust God when there is no apparent reason to … except that He is God.”
“I write to you fathers, because you have known Him who is from the beginning” (1 Jn. 2:14).
Sunday, February 27, 2011
When You Don't Like God
Have you ever been frustrated over how God is running the universe? Do “natural disasters”—shouldn’t they actually be called “supernatural disasters”—ever disturb you wondering if God somehow gets pleasure in wiping out large groups of people with a hurricane, storm, or other force of “mother nature?”
Or, what about when you claim a biblical promise on prayer, and believe with all your heart that God is going to come through with a miracle of healing, but the person you are praying for ends up dying? If and when this type of thing happens, you probably don’t like God for a season. I have a friend who lost one of his best friends to cancer, and afterwards could not pray for about six months.
I hope I haven’t caused you to stumble by simply asking these questions. Instead, my intent is to help those who are struggling with such issues, because I believe they are far more common than most of us want to admit. Being a fully devoted follower of Christ does not mean we never wrestle with such difficult issues. Instead, it means that we actually do face these struggles head-on and don’t pretend they aren’t there.
King David was a “man after God’s own heart” (Acts 13:22), and at times he struggled with such questions as, “Why, O Lord do you reject me and hide your face” (Ps. 88:14); “Awake, O Lord, why do you sleep?” (Ps. 44:23); “My soul is in anguish. How long, O Lord, how long?” (Ps. 6:3). We can establish from his example that having a heart for God does not mean we don’t struggle and question. In fact, sometimes it is because we so deeply love God that we do struggle. If we did not care about the things of God then we would not struggle because the issues in question would not matter to us.
So, what is the answer when such questions trouble us? Faith. We must believe that God is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do, even when our mind is flooded with unanswered questions. After all, God’s Word says to “lean not on your own understanding” but to “trust in the Lord with all your heart” (Prov. 3:5-6). You see, it is ultimately a heart issue and not a mind issue! God does not promise to answer all of our questions (“the secret things belong to the Lord but the things revealed belong to man”—Dt. 29:29), but He does promise to “never leave us nor forsake us” (Hebr. 13:15) and to be a “very present help in time of need” (Ps. 46:1).
What is faith? “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, and the conviction of things not seen” (Hebr. 11:1). It is that “not seen” part of faith that is difficult, isn’t it? We don’t see something now but we believe in God—that is faith! The “not seen” time may be when we are actually seeing bad things or circumstances that challenge or “test our faith” (Jas. 1:3). I don’t think we talk enough today about this biblical concept of the testing of our faith. A test is something we are put through to determine what we know or how we will respond. If we pass the test we are advanced, but if we fail the test we will either have to retake the test or be sent back in life.
When Jesus was asked about a tragedy that occurred (tower falling upon and killing eighteen persons—Luke 13:4), I find it interesting that instead of giving an answer about why it occurred, He simply used it as an object lesson on repentance and judgment. Perhaps rather than ask, “Why did this happen to me,” we should be asking, “What do You want me to learn from this?” Based on Luke 13:4 when natural disasters take the lives of many people, God would want this to remind us of the final judgment and the need to live with an eternal perspective. I must be willing to not have all the answers. After all, I am not God. I must be willing to accept my human limitations and just trust in what I do know about God. Someone once said, “Don’t doubt in the darkness what God has revealed in the light.”
I must not allow the clouds of questions and doubts about life block the sunlight of what I do know about God. We know far too much about God (i.e. holy, loving, sovereign, faithful, merciful, gracious, powerful, eternal, etc.) to allow the few things we don’t know about Him cause us to stumble or lose faith.
In a wonderful little booklet called “When the lights go out” by Graham Cooke, he says, “Faith depends on one thing—your understanding of the nature of God … It is not essential that we understand everything, but that we trust God in everything” (p. 16, 28). This is why I believe the most important part of the Christian journey is gaining a proper understanding of who God is!
So, when things occur that cause us to question and not like God, it is good to be honest about this, especially with a trusted friend. And at the end of the day we must exercise faith by clinging to the truths of who God is. We must cry out to God in desperate prayer, asking for His help and strength.
The sanctification process in the Christian life is not easy. It is filled with times of doubt and despair. The people God has used the most throughout history have often been sifted, tried, persecuted, and depressed. But in the end, they remained steadfastly trusting in the nature of God.
“This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles … A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all” (Ps. 34:6, 19). “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Ps. 34:18).
In the words of the famous Winston Churchill, “Never give up; never give up; never give up!”
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Digging Out of Discouragement
We all get discouraged from time to time. Life is just plain hard at times, whether this comes from troubled relationships, health issues, or merely the “hassles” of life such as mounting bills, a computer failure, or a cancelled flight. Sometimes we find ourselves discouraged, or even depressed, and not really know why. Our emotions can be a weird thing!
So, what do we do? How do we dig ourselves out of discouragement? Let me offer six suggestions:
1. Speak truth to your soul.
“Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” Ps. 42:11
When the psalmist says, “put your hope in God,” it is as if he is speaking truth to his soul – “come on soul, put your hope in God. You can do it.” I get the feeling this was an act of his will. He probably did not feel this inward excitement to trust God. After all, he already told us he was confused as to why his soul was downcast. He was discouraged and didn’t know why. However, as an act of his will he talked to himself. And he talked truth to himself.
There was a popular book years ago titled, “Telling Yourself the Truth.” This title says it all: we need to tell our self the truth when we are discouraged. “Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God” (Rom. 10:17). Speak to yourself the truth about God, your identity in Christ, forgiveness, life, heaven, etc. Do this until you feel different. I had a counselor tell me once, “Act your way into a new way of feeling.” This doesn’t mean you fake it and live a plastic life, but what it does mean is sometimes you have to will to do something that will help, even when you don’t feel like it.
2. Give thanks.
I realize this sounds like a cliché, but bear with me here. Recently our pastor introduced communion by sharing a neat insight on Jesus’ Last Supper with his disciples. The bible says, “On the night in which He was betrayed, Jesus took break, and after giving thanks….”(1 Cor. 11:23). Did you catch that? He gave thanks on the night He was betrayed. When someone close to you betrays you, giving thanks is not the thing you naturally want to do. Yet, this is exactly what Jesus did. We are not told what He gave thanks for, but there is always something to thank God for, regardless of our circumstances or emotions. Therefore, make the choice to rejoice and put on an attitude of gratitude, especially when discouraged, and see what a difference it makes! “In all things give thanks” (1 Thess. 5:18).
3. Dwell on God’s character.
Here is faith at its finest. Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen (Hebr. 11:1). Focusing on God’s amazing attributes will get our eyes off our selves and onto the One who is most able to strengthen and help us. Give praise to God that He is eternal, strong, loving, faithful, gracious, unchanging, forgiving, and patient.
Notice in this Psalm how this is exactly what he does to encourage himself in the midst of being downcast: “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember You from the land of the Jordan … “(Ps. 42:5). Be sure to remember God!
4. Fight the fight of faith.
Living for Christ is a battle. We fight with the world, the flesh, and the Devil. On top of that, we are aliens and strangers in a place that is not our true home. We can retreat or stand up and fight. I suggest it is time we make war! Ask God to give you a warrior spirit to fight against that besetting sin, anxiety, fear, and depression. Stand up and claim the victory that is rightfully yours. Don’t sit there and let Satan beat you up. Get up, receive God’s forgiveness, and move forward. Satan gets one victory if he can knock you down, but he gets a greater victory if you stay down. God is all about picking us up and encouraging us to get back on the field to finish the game. “Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses” (1 Tim. 6:12).
5. Ask others to pray.
One of the biggest temptations when discouraged is to isolate your self. We often don’t want to be around others. We want to be alone and sulk in our depression. But what we need to do is ask others to pray for us. Paul did this in 2 Cor. 1 when he said, “we were burdened beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life …. and you helped us by your prayers” (2 Cor. 1:8, 11). He opened himself up by talking about his pain, and as a result, others prayed, and he benefited from their prayers. Avail yourself of the power of prayer from others. God gives grace to the humble, and it takes humility to admit to others that you are in pain.
6. Take physical care of yourself.
The Bible does say to “love others as you love your self.” One way to properly, and not selfishly love your self, is to exercise and eat right. There is an unavoidable connection between our spirit, soul, and body. If you are seriously depressed, one of the first things you should do is schedule a physical with your doctor. There may be a chemical imbalance or other medical issues that need attention. I find it interesting that the way God dealt with Elijah’s discouragement was telling him to “get up and eat” (1 Kings 19:5).
Once again, it is normal to go through times of discouragement, doubt, and even depression. Living for Christ is not easy in the least. Do not beat yourself up for being downcast, but do take steps to dig out! God is the lifter of your head. He wants to help you in your time of need!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
"Warrior Spirit" for God
Recently the Lord has been speaking to me about the need to develop more of a “warrior spirit.” A warrior spirit is when we make war on sin, Satan, the flesh, and anything that is ungodly in our lives. Too often we are passive in our walk with God. We go on the defensive by staying in our fort, with the hope that nothing negative will come our way. I find God’s Word calling us to live on the offensive. Besides, Jesus said He would build His church and the gates of hell would not prevail against her (Mt. 16:18). Gates are for defense. Therefore, the church is to advance the mission of God against the gates of the kingdom of darkness. This may be what Jesus meant when he said “the kingdom of God has suffered violence but the violent take it by force” (Mt. 11:12). We are to be appropriately violent in our walk with God: violent against sin in our lives, violent against the attacks of Satan, violent against passivity, violent against injustice, violent against carnality, violent against ingratitude, violent against impure thoughts, violent against not reading God’s Word, violent against prayerlessness ….. but this violent action must be done in the energy of the Spirit and not the flesh: “Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might” (Eph. 6:10). “We are pulling down strongholds and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God and we are taking captive every thought and making it obey Christ” (2 Cor. 10:3-5). May God grant us a warrior spirit for His glory.
If you get a chance, listen to the 6-minute video presentation of John Piper on this subject because he says it much better than me: http://wn.com/War_John_Piper_Sermon_Jam
If you get a chance, listen to the 6-minute video presentation of John Piper on this subject because he says it much better than me: http://wn.com/War_John_Piper_Sermon_Jam
Friday, January 14, 2011
The 29:29 File
Some times in life we have to "file things away" that we don’t totally understand, knowing that one day we will be able to open that file and understand it. This is true with simple things like our will, and even truer in our relationship with God.
Recently my wife and I had our wills redone, with the help of an attorney. I don’t totally understand all the legal language, but now that the wills are done, I have properly filed them away. One day in the future I may have to bring out the file, and then, with the help of an expert, I will be able to make sense of it all.
This is similar in our relationship with God. There will be some things in our journey with God that have to be filed away, knowing that in the future God will help us understand it all. I call this the 29:29 file. The 29:29 file is based on Deuteronomy 29:29 which says, “the secret things belong to the Lord, but the things revealed belong to man.” When I can’t make sense of something, I have to chalk it up as one of those “secret things” that God will reveal to me one day in the future, even if the day He reveals it to me ends up being in heaven.
The area of greatest perplexity and struggle for me is healing and death. Because Jesus performed so many acts of healing and God’s Word has many promises about prayer and healing, I believe God still heals today. I believe we are to boldly ask and believe God for healing when someone is sick. However, when you do this and a close friend dies, it can challenge your faith. When you see someone die of cancer at the age of 46 and leave behind a wife and two daughters, it can be hard to swallow. When you see someone in the prime of ministry taken from the mission field of life on earth, it can cause you to question, “Why?”
And yet, I have found that it isn’t fruitful to linger for long on the “why?” question. Some questions won’t be answered until we get to heaven because “now we see in a mirror dimly, then face to face” (1 Cor. 13:12). It is when the “why?” question is not answered that we need to file it in the 29:29 file. We do this by exercising faith in God’s sovereignty, goodness, and love (which the Bible repeatedly affirms) even when things happen that frustrate and disappoint us.
Someone wisely told me once, “Don’t doubt in the dark what God has clearly revealed in the light.” In other words, He has clearly revealed that He is in sovereign control (Mt. 5:45; Eph. 1:11), works all things together for good (Rom. 8:28), loves us with an inseparable love (Rom. 8:31-39), and uses tragedy and hardship to accomplish His purposes (Gen. 50:20) even when things happen that we do not understand or like.
What is it in your life that needs to be filed in the 29:29 file? It takes faith in God’s Word to do so, and when we do, He will give us supernatural peace and power to move on.
Monday, January 10, 2011
In Honor of Dr. Rick Campbell
Yesterday I attended the funeral of a good friend and colleague, Dr. Rick Campbell. I ministered with Rick at INJOY Stewardship Solutions, participated in a small group with him, and enjoyed a deep friendship.
The Bible says, “It is better to go to a funeral than a party, because death is the destiny of every man, and the living should take it to heart” (Ecclesiastes 7:2). So, what have I “taken to heart” as a result of going to Rick’s funeral? I take to heart three things:
1. Life is really short, so live it fully for Christ.
Rick was only forty-six years young. He was diagnosed with cancer less than a year ago. He left behind a wife of twenty-three years and two daughters, one in college and the other in high school. Forty-six is way too young to die. Forty-six means you don’t even outlive any sibling or parent. Forty-six means there is so much more you could have done, had you had more years.
God’s Word says our lives are but a vapor, a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Even if we live to be ninety or a hundred, in light of eternity this is still a very short period of time. Anyone with children knows how very quickly time passes.
I have often walked through a cemetery and reflected upon the degree to which anyone still remembers the deceased. Certainly those who have recently passed are remembered, but what about years later? It is very sobering to reflect on how little people will remember us a few years after we die . . . unless we invest in what is eternal.
What we do for Christ will indeed last. What we invest in the Word and the Gospel will last. Rick gave his life to Jesus and the things of His kingdom. Therefore, his impact will last for many generations, and even into eternity. His daughter spoke of how he led her to Christ. Pastors spoke of how he coached them. And friends shared of his joy and zest for life.
I led a discipleship group this year in which one of their assignments was to write their obituary. They were to write it to read they way they would want it to at the end of their life. One of the members of my discipleship group, after attending Rick’s funeral, texted me, “Rick’s funeral today is how I want my obituary to read.”
2. God is really faithful, so boldly step out in faith.
Rick’s deepest concern in dying of cancer was that his daughters might conclude that God was not faithful. I remember on many occasions Rick speaking of God’s faithfulness. He knew of God’s faithfulness financially, relationally, professionally, and even emotionally. It was this confidence in God’s faithfulness that led him to take some pretty bold steps in faith in his walk with God. The biggest of recent days was that of buying INJOY Stewardship Solutions. Before INJOY he had planted two churches, gone overseas, and was willing to move to new places to serve Christ.
I experienced Rick as a man who would rather step out of the boat, even if only to walk on water for a brief moment, than to never get out of the boat. This challenges me. I too often live a very safe life. I too often chicken-out when it comes to boldly sharing my faith. I too often sleep a little longer in the morning instead of getting up and meditating on the Word. With God’s help this is going to change . . . because of Rick!
3. Relationships are really important, so fully invest in people.
I carefully observed the slide show that preceded the funeral. As is almost always the case at a funeral, the pictures were not of Rick at his desk or Rick by himself or Rick with some physical project he had accomplished. Instead, they were pictures of Rick with family, with friends, and with pastors he served. It is all about relationships.
Next to our relationship with Jesus, life is simply about the relationships we have with others. This explains why Jesus said life is totally about “loving God with all our heart” and “loving our neighbor as our self.” So simple and yet so difficult at times to live out. So simple and yet often hindered by other “things.” So simple and yet so eternal.
So, as a result of being exposed to Rick’s rich life in Christ (even if only through this blog), live more for what is eternal; take more risks in the name of Christ, and love more richly those God has put in your life. And may God receive all the glory, and may your funeral be as full and biblical and eternal as Rick’s was yesterday.
The Bible says, “It is better to go to a funeral than a party, because death is the destiny of every man, and the living should take it to heart” (Ecclesiastes 7:2). So, what have I “taken to heart” as a result of going to Rick’s funeral? I take to heart three things:
1. Life is really short, so live it fully for Christ.
Rick was only forty-six years young. He was diagnosed with cancer less than a year ago. He left behind a wife of twenty-three years and two daughters, one in college and the other in high school. Forty-six is way too young to die. Forty-six means you don’t even outlive any sibling or parent. Forty-six means there is so much more you could have done, had you had more years.
God’s Word says our lives are but a vapor, a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Even if we live to be ninety or a hundred, in light of eternity this is still a very short period of time. Anyone with children knows how very quickly time passes.
I have often walked through a cemetery and reflected upon the degree to which anyone still remembers the deceased. Certainly those who have recently passed are remembered, but what about years later? It is very sobering to reflect on how little people will remember us a few years after we die . . . unless we invest in what is eternal.
What we do for Christ will indeed last. What we invest in the Word and the Gospel will last. Rick gave his life to Jesus and the things of His kingdom. Therefore, his impact will last for many generations, and even into eternity. His daughter spoke of how he led her to Christ. Pastors spoke of how he coached them. And friends shared of his joy and zest for life.
I led a discipleship group this year in which one of their assignments was to write their obituary. They were to write it to read they way they would want it to at the end of their life. One of the members of my discipleship group, after attending Rick’s funeral, texted me, “Rick’s funeral today is how I want my obituary to read.”
2. God is really faithful, so boldly step out in faith.
Rick’s deepest concern in dying of cancer was that his daughters might conclude that God was not faithful. I remember on many occasions Rick speaking of God’s faithfulness. He knew of God’s faithfulness financially, relationally, professionally, and even emotionally. It was this confidence in God’s faithfulness that led him to take some pretty bold steps in faith in his walk with God. The biggest of recent days was that of buying INJOY Stewardship Solutions. Before INJOY he had planted two churches, gone overseas, and was willing to move to new places to serve Christ.
I experienced Rick as a man who would rather step out of the boat, even if only to walk on water for a brief moment, than to never get out of the boat. This challenges me. I too often live a very safe life. I too often chicken-out when it comes to boldly sharing my faith. I too often sleep a little longer in the morning instead of getting up and meditating on the Word. With God’s help this is going to change . . . because of Rick!
3. Relationships are really important, so fully invest in people.
I carefully observed the slide show that preceded the funeral. As is almost always the case at a funeral, the pictures were not of Rick at his desk or Rick by himself or Rick with some physical project he had accomplished. Instead, they were pictures of Rick with family, with friends, and with pastors he served. It is all about relationships.
Next to our relationship with Jesus, life is simply about the relationships we have with others. This explains why Jesus said life is totally about “loving God with all our heart” and “loving our neighbor as our self.” So simple and yet so difficult at times to live out. So simple and yet often hindered by other “things.” So simple and yet so eternal.
So, as a result of being exposed to Rick’s rich life in Christ (even if only through this blog), live more for what is eternal; take more risks in the name of Christ, and love more richly those God has put in your life. And may God receive all the glory, and may your funeral be as full and biblical and eternal as Rick’s was yesterday.
Friday, June 25, 2010
True Brokenness
True brokenness is when God brings us to the end of ourselves . . . that we might learn to more fully lean on Him! Often this comes through very difficult circumstances that “break” us of self-dependence . . . that we might depend more fully on God. The circumstances are showing us how weak we really are, and how little we are in control of the universe.
The Apostle Paul experienced this through his “thorn in the flesh” (2 Cor. 12:7). He asked God to remove his thorn, and God said “NO,” so that he might experience spiritual strength through human weakness.
One thing I have often seen, particularly in men, is that God will bring them to brokenness, but once the circumstances start getting better they go back to pride and self-reliance. Therefore, I believe God wants our brokenness to be much more than just circumstantial brokenness. Instead, He wants us to live in constant brokenness.
Constant brokenness is when we are constantly aware of our weaknesses, human limitations, and propensity toward sin that we walk in constant awareness of our desperate need for God. Even when the initial circumstantial difficulty is lifted, we still walk in brokenness. Less in less do we need circumstantial difficulty to make us dependent on God’s power.
However, when the circumstantial difficulty does come our way, by the sovereign decree of God, then we will be able to say with Paul, “That is why for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Cor. 12:10).
The Apostle Paul experienced this through his “thorn in the flesh” (2 Cor. 12:7). He asked God to remove his thorn, and God said “NO,” so that he might experience spiritual strength through human weakness.
One thing I have often seen, particularly in men, is that God will bring them to brokenness, but once the circumstances start getting better they go back to pride and self-reliance. Therefore, I believe God wants our brokenness to be much more than just circumstantial brokenness. Instead, He wants us to live in constant brokenness.
Constant brokenness is when we are constantly aware of our weaknesses, human limitations, and propensity toward sin that we walk in constant awareness of our desperate need for God. Even when the initial circumstantial difficulty is lifted, we still walk in brokenness. Less in less do we need circumstantial difficulty to make us dependent on God’s power.
However, when the circumstantial difficulty does come our way, by the sovereign decree of God, then we will be able to say with Paul, “That is why for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Cor. 12:10).
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
The Proverbs Challenge
This is a very practical and helpful exercise to do when faced with uncertainly about a decision.
Here is how the Proverbs’ Challenge works: whenever you are faced with a major decision, read through the entire book of Proverbs and ask God to give you a “word of wisdom” in what to do. Preferably read the entire book of Proverbs in one sitting. For the average reader this takes about two hours or less. Before you begin to read, ask God to give you wisdom and fill you with His Spirit. Draw a line down the middle of a page, with the choices of your decision on either side (i.e., take the new job, stay where I am).
As you read through Proverbs, record in the appropriate column the verses that seem to speak to you about that choice. Now, be careful here: at the end of your reading, it does not mean that the column with the most verses is God’s “word” to you. Instead, go back and read all the verses you placed in each column and ask God to have one of them “jump off the page” telling you what His will is for you.
I have done this seven times in my life, and all but one time God has used it to speak a direct word of wisdom to me. I look forward to hearing how He uses this in your life. Please let me know by emailing me at davidholt08@gmail.com.
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